Each church has them, and the smaller the church is the more these people stick out. I call them the "no fun" police, but hall monitor, or residential church sheriff will do just as well.
They primarily target the ages of 4-15, but there are ultimately no limits to when the "no-fun police" can get involved.
These are the people who always seem to be in the biggest hurry to tell kids not to run at church, and to remind children that "this is the house of God." They then promptly follow up that statement with "now go to your parents and tell them what you did."
The "no-fun" police are also quick to give dirty looks at possible text-messagers, note-passers and talkers during church, and also hush the whispers that occur from time to time at the alter.
The no-fun police have been employed the the Department of Scorn & Removal for a good seventy years now and there appears to be no sign of the position deteriorating. And they, more than most are what cause kids to secretly develop a disdain for church growing up simply because it cannot be fun and it is so formal.
Most of the no-fun police show little to no joy in their life and likewise they feel that the world must reflect their permanent attitudinal condition of scorn & cynicism.
Worse yet is when you get to my age and you see your peers slowly develop into the "no-fun" police as well, and you just want to run up to them and say "look what you're becoming! You're becoming that person we all hated when we were kids. Just because you feel you need to be an authority somewhere doesn't mean you need to be so down on the children.!" But we never have the guts to, just like we didn't have the guts to stand up to the no-fun police when we were children.
The truth is the no-fun police are an unofficial authority delegated by the wrath of God in our church, and it won't be changing anytime soon.
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