Stuff Apostolics Like

Over the past few years I’ve lost touch with a lot of people and a lot of events. Sometimes intentionally. For instance, I try not to pay attention to Music Fest, Youth Congress, General Conference, etc. Joel called me a few weeks ago and, in passing, mentioned camps, which gave me great glee in the fact that I had been oblivious to the fact that it was camp season.  It’s always the same: one shouting service, one weeping service, words of ‘prophecy’ are given, everyone eats too much and we all go home. I knew General Conference was going on last week but didn’t think much of it. I didn’t try to stream it, I stayed away from the speaking schedule, and I was blissful. But… They made it impossible for me. It’s like I’m in The Truman Show, except it’s The Glen Show and there’s some guy in a control booth somewhere saying “Ok, send in the crazy in three…two…” Act 1 A few years ago I saw a hilarious viral video of a guy who gets his f...

For those of you who don't know what this is, it's called a Meme. Memes started as pictures in chain email forwards that you used to send directly to your trash bin without opening them. It's a descendent of the early internet humor of the nineties. Think of The Dancing Baby or The Hampster Dance. These were the progenitors of memes. Basically, what a meme is is this: internet humor that not a lot of people get. The ones who do 'get' can sit on websites like 4chan or 9gag and scroll for hours, laughing incessantly and never getting bored, no matter how stupid, random, abstract or completely senseless the stuff they're looking at is. The ones who don't 'get it' just roll their eyes when they see it, and click onto the next thing. There is no sense to a meme. It's like an inside joke that all you have to do to get on the inside of is say you get it, and boom, you're in. "It's so funny!" "But why is it funny?" ...

A little listening music:   College & Electric Youth - A Real Hero by College Although you weren’t asking, I would say the four most commonly used words I heard growing up, would be ‘bitter’, ‘rebellion’, ‘’reprobate’, and ‘backslide.’ The word I hear most often about myself (as in “out-of-church-Glen”) is ‘bitter’. I don’t think that’s a secret. Clearly I’m pretty jaded. My posts aren’t exactly filled with memories of puppy dogs and rainbows. Perhaps unexpectedly, I am 100% completely ok with this label. So why would someone like be ok with this label? Well for one, it’s accurate. But there’s also more to it than that. Let me explain: I had a very, very shallow outlook as a young’n. I saw people on the fringes of my church growing up that carried the ‘rebel’ label. I saw people come around occasionally that had long since left church, and they carried the ‘backslider’ label. But the word thrown around more freely than any...

( Edit: Since the initial posting, I have learned two things related to the post:  1) The Michigan District Resolution included below was in fact a passed resolution. The original post described it as a proposed resolution. 2) Michigan is not the only district with such a resolution. The Massachusetts/Rhode Island District has a very similar resolution as well as the great possibility that there could be others in other districts. If you know of a district that has such a resolution either proposed or passed, feel free to drop me a line via e-mail or twitter).  Warning: This post travels. Important non-SAL written, UPC produced document at the end. And since the post travels, why not a little travel music to accompany the journey? As illogical as it may seem, I still believe that the UPCI still has a chance to be an open, honest and just religious organization. I even wish dearly the UPCI would demonstrate the love and openness that I think is part of the...

If you grew up in the UPC, you know very well that there is no spectacle as intense or unchristian than that of the Sunday School Contest. It was pretty viscous. Sunday School Contests are not a thing of novelty. It's where human children are converted into classic Marxist commodity then and there for the UPC church. To the teachers, the guests represent potential converts (objects), bible verse memorization represents a means to brain-washing. To the student, guests represent points (victory). To the guests, I don't even know what they were thinking, but I can only imagine the fear in their eyes as all our Pentecostal eyes got real big the moment they walked into church as we all thought "fresh meat, fresh meat." And then we licked our lips...  When I was a kid I won things in these contests. I won a bike once. Semi-Cheap bike probably from Wal-Mart. Doesn't matter, because it was paid for by someone else. It was provided by my church, it's Sunda...

“ It’s so hard to be a Christian in the West Coast Time Zone. ” –Daniel Tosh We’ve all been there. The sermon is good, but it’s dragging on a bit. You check your watch. You say things in your head to your pastor that you only wish were out loud:  “Ok Pastor, wrap it up. Kick off’s in 30 and if there’s traffic I won’t get the brat’s on the grill in time, and then I’ll have to watch Stuart Scott and try to figure out which way he’s looking, effectively killing my appetite.” The sermon continues without your consent. You start to fidget. You catch an elbow to the ribs from The Misses. You enter into a *Stare-down.* You then hear those golden words from the pulpit:  “Musicians please come.” YES! Altar call! Now all you’ll have to do is mouth the words to Jesus I Love You, close your eyes and sway for five minutes and it’s off to see Matthew Stafford either get carted off the field or break a record for most passing yards in a game. Either way you w...

Glen's gonna kill me for this one.... Confession: Stuff Apostolic's Like is guilty of the sins on this here post several times over. Today is the day we get real, and get right with the Lord... I'm so sorry. <a href="http://music.sufjan.com/track/get-real-get-right-2">Get Real Get Right by Sufjan Stevens</a> At some point, we Apostolics will do the half-backslidden two-step of either going liberal and/or rebellious. We will sneak to the movie theater. The girls will wear seductive skirts just above their knees causing  us boys to go "whoa now" out loud but in our head we say "whoooo."  Our sexual pursuits will be more forthcoming. We will read Rob Bell and make Christianity all about God's love and his acceptance of us just as we are. We will learn new words like "Moderation" and "Tolerance" and we will think too much about the term "Godhead." When talking about God, t...