Stuff Apostolics Like

 " I will show wonders in the heavens above      and signs on the earth below,      blood and fire and billows of smoke.     The sun will be turned to darkness      and the moon to blood      before the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord."   Acts 2:-18-20 I prayed someone painted the day of Pentecost as a nightmare when I was looking for good images for this blog....The picture above is the pretty close to what i had in mind.Outside of everyone being white in the picture (which of course isn't true), the dark gloom resting above the audience as Peter is preaching his famous service seems to capture something we miss as Pentecostals: The Infilling of the Spirit is frightening. What I aim to do here is outlay  a kind of theoretical theology of tongues. (through a series of post in coming weeks). I wrote a semi-hefty paper for school attempting exactly this, b...

Why so soft? O my brothers, thus I ask you: are you not after all my brothers? Why so soft, so pliant and yielding? Why is there so much denial, self-denial, in your hearts? So little destiny in your eyes? -Nietzsche Recently, I came to a moment of clarity. But with this moment of clarity, the things that were normally "normal" suddenly appear as horrible demonic monsters. Kind of like this kid seeing a lobster for the first time: And this in a nutshell, is how i felt when my friend showed me photos of an Apostolic Birthday party wherein the females in attendance were to wear a costume of sorts (i will refrain from naming the specific costume desired for the party theme as to save the reputation of those therein)... But it was something....Like this: Except the "costume party" i am referencing was attended by those in their late teens and early 20's. Guys were dressed for a formal banquet or something. Girl...

So we have had this song written about at least twice before...One time very recently. And i thought we were done with it.... But then you get phone calls from anonymous tipsters (no joke) telling you to look closer at the song and to check out an eerily similar song...this one: And the Gretchen Wilson song was written in 2004:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redneck_Woman Make of it what you want.... Maybe we are thinking too much into things here.... But if the connection is accurate....there is one thing better than being a pentecostal... It's being a Pentecostal Redneck Woman.

It is generally accepted that Apostolics lead exciting lives. Besides the occasional board game party nights and bowling outings, the more liberal of us like to sneak off to the movie theater, too. Life doesn’t get much better than this…except for when there’s a special service at a big church. These special services can take on many forms. There is that of the youth outing, which is basically a method of finding your future spouse while praising the Lord (double win!), that of the district conference, which consists of the most fashionable among us showing off our outfits, and then there is that of the special speaker coming to the town closest to you and everyone going to hear him or her. Occasionally, another form of a big church service can appear, too – for example, when a Bible college chorale tours in your city. That is also a major happening that promises to have lots of single girls with big hair in attendance! Never miss this one. The Apostolic “special service” is something...

Okay, okay...so we know what will happen to us when we die: We go to Heaven. YAY!!! GO GOOD GUYS! (High five to you my Christian Brother)... But what I meant is... We roughly know what happens to us (or at least those who are saved) when we die.... But the Logistics of the thing...that's where our theology is a little shaky... Well I for one hate jewelry. So if the streets are really gold like Revelation says, I won't be impressed. And then for goodness sake, some of us have this concept that we will all know each other in Heaven... Like the first few weeks of Heaven will be something to the effect of the first night service of youth congress or convention or camp:  Me: Oh hey Bill! like time no see Bill: Hey Joel...good to see you made it here...I was worried about that whole blasphemous blog thing...but i knew eventually you'd get you're act together... Joel: LOL! Well you know me (pokes Bill in the side jestfully)....But yeah, last time I knew you wa...

I wonder what it would have been like to be in the upper room 2000 years ago. Watching. Waiting. Praying. Not knowing what’s going to happen, not really knowing that anything is going to happen except that a gift – this “Holy Spirit” – was going to be given. And then it happened! Tongues of fire crashed in to the room and landed on them. All present began to speak in different tongues themselves! This act would become known as the “giving of the Holy Spirit.” Could you even imagine? Now, not to put some spiteful/bitter/blasphemous spin on this situation (I am not poking fun at this event whatsoever), but what I cannot seem to figure out is how those people in that upper room, with no idea of what was going to happen, with no mood-music, and with no preacher/elder/usher screaming tongues in to their ears; how were they able to receive the Holy Spirit? The modern, Apostolic-Holy-Ghost-receiving-atmosphere generally consists of; the call to receive, the mood-music (be it “I Win” for the e...

“Let’s go to the club!” Not exactly a phrase you hear a lot on a beautifully overdressed Pentecostal Sunday morning, however, I would argue that it is a perfectly acceptable analogy for the cacophony which immediately greets us upon our arrival to church these days. Now before I begin my iconoclastic rant, allow me first to reveal my Pentecostal credentials: I grew up Baptist (I wonder how much of the esteemed readership of this blog will not finish this “lesser” article now?) In fact, it was only in my twenties (19 actually) that I fell under the Pentecostal label. In reality, my only Pentecostal claim to fame is that I had the grandson of William R Starr as an usher at my wedding – I also picked Tommy Brandon up from the airport once! Now understand me, as I have only been Pentecostal for the last thirteen years and it may just be that I have not had enough time to appreciate the “dancing generation” (or maybe it’s just because I cannot dance and am terribly envious…) but I ...