Stuff Apostolics Like

Perhaps I'm not the best person to write about this particular Apostolic phenomenon because I was never an avid user of them, but Stuff Apostolics Like could not be complete without at least a mention of hot sticks. Don't act like you don't know what they are. Conair is the brand du jour and they come in sets of pink and purple. And let's keep it real. Apostolic girls LURVE them some hot sticks. At least they did when I was present during the 2 hours most of my camp friends needed to get ready before night service. At least 2 sets were a must to tame the glory manes. I was even pressured into letting Polly or whoever put a few sticks in my hair a time or two, and I must say, my tendril game was tight those nights. Hot sticks and me I have a little confession to make about hot sticks, though. Simply put, I don't have hot stick-esque hair. And at that time, during my camp days, foolish as it may sound, hot sticks became an emblem of everything I was not. H...

Note: Here's another one of those "informative blog posts" INTRO We’ve already covered the topic of describing youthful hypocrisy as praying through on Sunday only to curse and listen to rap music by Tuesday. While we all have heard this sermon, I think that there is usually something stated in this sermon that we could cover too. We’ve all heard it. We believe it because of who said it. But we have absolutely no idea how to explain it or where it came from. I’m talking about the belief that “Satan was the minister of music/choir director in Heaven”. After this statement we’re usually bombarded with 15 to 20 minutes of explanation of Satan’s exact role, as the choir leader, in charge of the Heavenly host of voices in their rendition of Order My Steps or maybe Kirk Franklin’s ‘Hosanna’. Following this we usually get another speech regarding the fact that the reason satan uses music to draw us away is because he used to be in charge of it, or perhaps tha...

I dedicate this post to all those who will pass the mantle of word-counting down to our future generations. I've never preached a message in my life, (well, I did "talk" during a youth service once, and it was at the pulpit and contained scriptures . . . does that count? Is preaching only preaching if you yell and if it's during Big Church? Or did that event just retroactively un-exist since I'm supposed to be "silent" and ask my nonexistent husband at home?) so this is just my imagined rendering of the preacherly thought process. Preacher (in his mind) I've gotta come up with something good. Something that will bust the altar area wide open with the weight of convicted souls. I want those altar tissues used up, son! What's a good topic? Hmmm . . . "The Love of God"? Nah, too mamby pamby. Oh, I know! "The Omnipotence, Omniscience and Infallibility of the 'Man of God.'" Rats, that was preached last Sunday. Hm...

Alright I am going to let my bias be known right out of the gate: I don't like babies. They are ugly. And are entirely dependent on other human beings for survival. I can't stand clinginess or neediness, and babies are always both. Plus they are ugly....And they make loud noises in the House of God when the Man of God is preaching....If I were to act like a baby does during church, I would get banished. But babies get to say whatever they want wherever they want without fear of consequences or a fear of God. Plus they puke yogurt right on you. Conclusion: If babies ever argued for a right to vote I would be adamantly opposed.... That said, there is one thing I hate more than babies..... And that thing is BABY DEDICATIONS! A ceremony where we honor and adore, the very things I despise: Post-embryos. But it's not the fact that baby dedications deal with babies that makes me hate them as much as I do.... It's the meaning of the whole...

 (note: I have tried refraining from doing this post because I thought it was my opinion alone that hated these things, but after upwards of 3 e-mails in recent months (most recently Stephany Mirelez) , I have realized I am not alone in hatred of the trend of the Poof) Although this was before my time,  I have had several conversations with females from the 80's and early 90's  who looked at pictures of their hairstyle from back then at the pictures would look something like this:   And inevitably the response from the daughter of the 80's/early 90's is "WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE WE THINKING?" They then recall how they were so positive they were being stylish and trendy at the time. But what once was a style is now considered vomit in the next generation.... And ladies and gentlemen, there is a pandemic in Apostolic circles right now that is being counted as righteousness in apostolic circles. It's called the hair poof : (Note that as I perused my fac...

DISCLAIMER: This is one of those more "preachy" posts....take it however you want...It does have a point to it...But I have just been wrestling with it for the past few days (I have been on vacation where you have too much time to think about things that don't really matter)... While not typical of every service, a common preaching point that is sure to arouse crowd participation within the congregation is the classic "sports vs. God" battle wherein the preacher walks up to the pulpit and after encouraging worship for a few seconds and perusing the response....the preacher chimes in loudly something to the effect of:    " If 'they can cheer for a bunch of guys in tights fighting over a pigskin you ought to be able to give God the praise that he deserves." This usually results in a slightly more raucous response from the crowd wherein those who don't watch sports worship louder to demonstrate that the worship for sports will not compare...

To those not familiar with the legend of Wayne Francis....Wayne Francis is the number 1 guy you want preaching apostolic youth conferences and revivals. His sermons are very carefully constructed, demand emotional response, and most importantly inspire hope into thousands of young people that through a very exciting service/altar call, things will change. Perhaps most intriguingly, his sermonizing have some sociological similarities to that of a well-organized late 19th-century Vaudeville show. Further he just completed a 4 year term as Secretary of Promotion for the UPC General Youth Division.  Before Wayne Francis, the entire UPC was like watching television when it was black & white. It was still remarkable then, but you never realized what you were missing until color television was introduced. Wayne Francis made the entire UPC in color. And once television went to color, you never wanted to go back to black & white outside of nostalgic purposes.  The...