no one will read this. For 10 years, I've been bitter.
-tl;Dr a failed, boring preacher managed to evict and then lose 150 members of his livestock. Then had the audacity to announce himself bishop.
Intro
Somewhere at some godforsaken land, Marvin Walker was born. He mediated between believing in the UPC strict rules of of being a human being and then actually executing the UPC strict laws of a human being. This was all done so that Marvin Walker could tell himself that he was a human being. Unfortunately Marvin could never accept that he was in fact, a boring robot
Let me remind you dear reader that this diatribe is titled "bishop Walker" so I'm not here to discourage any attempt at artificially building a robot pastor. I'm just suggesting that robot pastor Marvin Walker may be the worst kind of baseline robot to become a bishop in the history of bishops. Mind you the history of bishop hood has been going on for centuries. From the Catholic Church to chess pieces to financially successful UPC pastors who want to retire and still get a stipend for the fruits of their laurels.
A few weeks ago I found out about one of the funniest things I have heard in a long time. Marvin Walker, my former pastor, destroyer of worlds, one of the most lost long winded boring, angry German preachers you could ever hear is retiring. And without a taste of bitter humility, Marvin Walker announced a successor and named himself bishop of his own catastrophe.
To his credit, he , Marvin, is a maestro of finance. That's why he was hired as pastor in the first place. Literally we were told that. Marvin Walker robot took over the finances of his wife's father's finances at tupelo children's mansion in tupelo, Mississippi. And after fixing the finances God himself told Marvin to leave said church and arrive at troy, Michigan. Audio cassettes confirm that Marvin was still a robot at this time
Marvin's wife however. Claudette. She was the daughter of the financially maligned Doctor kleopper (sp?). He may have been a doctor I don't know.
Let's go back ... to the year 2000.
My pastor growing up, dies. Way too young. Great human being. Loved the guy. He had his finger to the wind. Died young. In his thirties. Church then was at a population of 250ish. Like a successful church. Everything was on the up and up. I could go on about if God exists, he existed in that moment for us before pastor died.
But God had other plans and by plans I mean robot Marvin Walker and his crazy wife named Claudette.
Seven people voted no to a robot as pastor. Out of I think 159 voting members .
Five of those seven would be gone within a year.
Marvin Walker then spent thirty years boring a church kicking and screaming about holding the company line with fifty minutes of sermons that weren't good whatsoever (to the point of preaching his greatest hits every other year, but his hits weren't good... It was his misjudged assessment of cries as approval. The cries were genuine cries out of boredom. They were cries of "please let us get out of here. Like literally the run up to alter calls .... The constituents would march up to the altar hoping he would stop preaching.)
Let's be clear. Marvin Walker only existed as my pastor because of defaulting into the position because previous, great pastor died. And likely the other board members wanted him to shut the hell up about how much God has told him that this is the job for him.
It was not the job for him.
I won't be committing libel. I promise.
Anyone who knows me knows how much my belief in not believing in God is based in the Bible and Marvin Walker and a lot of his mystic wife Claudette Walker.
Whilst not privy to the insanity that is cult Claudette, I grew up in the youth group of Rick Rogers. Rick Rogers was appointed by recommendation of Marvin's son, Jon Walker.
I thought Rick a cool guy. Awesome guy. A bro guy who drove cars fast. He graduated from Indiana Bible College. Rick was such a cool guy that I unquestionably hated my sister and brother in law. They were youth leaders.
Unfortunately for the victim , Rick Rogers chose a goal. A goal of predation upon one of the ladies in his youth group.
Unfortunately for the victim, there was a Marvin Walker.
Unfortunately for the victim, two youth leaders, underneath Rick Rogers, out of sincere concern of victim, reported Rick Rogers to Marvin and Claudette.
Unfortunately for the victim, the youth leaders were met with a condemnation. Specifically from mystic Claudette walker herself ... The condemnation was upon the whistle blowing youth leaders. Something about questioning the authority of the Lord God himself. Specifically for questioning a youth pastor preying on an underage girl. How dare they question god?
Unfortunately for the victim, the defense for youth pastor Rick Rogers from Marvin Walker and his mystic wife to the whistle blowers spurred him on in his predation.
Unfortunately for the victim, it took another act of predation for another meeting between robot and mystic with the whistle blowers... Whereby former rick Rogers was thrown to obscurity... And Claudette, once a condemner, threw her terrible, vile self on her knees and prayed and cried for forgiveness to the whistle blowing youth leaders.
Unfortunately for the victim, Claudette walker did not offer similar apologies.
( What I love is is the holy Spirit moving throughout this.)
And while I don't care that the walkers would whine and dine and serve up Gerald jeffers for a revival every year, and Gerald is now apart of the Trinity broadcasting network (a huckster if there is ever one)....
What I do care about is the church is barely above 30 people and yet a robot has the audacity to name himself bishop as a complete failure.
The faith apostolic Church of troy (F.A.C.T) still remains and looks amazing
Because of a remodel that I'm financially skeptical about. I do know that Marv and Claudette soaked in that covid loan whose debt was forgiven.
But the real thing I have struggled at for years was if they really believed in their shenanigans or they both knowingly took on their role as God's chosen ones called to failure, bringing a church of vibrancy of 150-200 down to less than 30.
I think they really have beliefs. Beliefs that are blinded. It was only the reality of marvs age that let him accept his retirement. Not his principles or failure. That's sad.
But somehow Marvin Walker, robot, offender of dozens, had the sincere gull to also annunciate himself as bishop. Like someone who proclaims themself king of the dumpster fire they created. In spite of the lack of self awareness of his own failings and self destruction. I anticipate a saint Claudette and also an irreligious dance/
Honestly. I'm really just bitter that such a boring robot guy failed at his thing and became a bishop. I know I'm boring here, but please look up one of his sermons. The guy has no couth. He's just really really boring and if he thinks he has a point he screams so loud it hurts your ears.
Final:
I'm curious if marvin has acknowledged his significance as bishop.
Postscript:
Last month, Ben bouren was named successor as pastor.
