Sunday, August 18, 2013

#277- Half-Church

(credit for post-title goes to someone who probably does not want to be named around these parts)...

What is half-church? Imagine watching a rated R movie you have no business watching while you're parents are asleep. Imagine sneaking into one of those demon-houses aka movie theaters. Imagine all those YUCKY conversations Pentecostal girls have during bachelorette parties. Imagine make-up on the girls and boys listening to some gangsta rap circa 1994...... Imagine swearing when you're angry and fornicating in your car. Imagine all of this... 

and then imagine that God comes and visits you after any and all of these sins and says, "You know what?!? No big deal. Actually, I'm all for your secret sins. In fact, don't worry about hiding it next time. You do you and enjoy it." and then God starts to walk away but right before he heads back up to heaven he turns back to you and says "YOLO!!!!" And he's gone.

And then imagine the feeling you would feel after God told you he was cool with all of those imaginative sins... And then you can begin to understand what Half-Church is. 

Half-Church is in short: In and all boring-to-fun activities that are sanctioned by the church during regularly scheduled church time, but are in fact not church. In other words: Special Church Presentations. AKA "Half-Church."

  • Church picnics. 
  • Bathroom breaks. 
  • Church dramas.
  •  Missionary media presentations with the lights out. 
  • Church naps. 
  • Children's dramas.
  • Kid Choir
  • Promotion Sunday
  • Christmas plays
  • Sanctuary Laughter en masse.
  • The bequeathing of certificates (e.g. baptismal, holy ghost, "Most likely to backslide," etc...)
  • Church softball
  • Changing poopy diapers in the nursery and gossiping amongst the other mothers.   
  • Church Skits
  • Fire Drills (yes, I swear this happened more than once at my old church)
Half-Church is basically experiencing feelings and emotions during church that would normally not be permitted within the perimeters of an ordinary church service And yet because it's Half-Church, you don't have to feel bad for feeling these feelings of joy and relief and comfort. 

Why do we like half-church so much? Because we don't have to bear the burden of trying to Get God. Nor do we have to worry about acting like we're trying to get God. Nor do we have to worry about anyone else much less the time because we're all here and we're all having a great time of camaraderie thank you very much.... 

Unlike talking in church during the sermon, half-church never ever wants you to feel bad for having a good time. Because Pentecostals and Pastor himself can let loose sometimes you see?!? Don't you dare say we ApoPento's don't know how to have fun. Because we do. We have inflatable devises during church picnics!!!

Half-church is a vacation from church during church and it's all authorized by God Himself. And that's why we wild ApoPento's love us some Half-Church.

It's like Miley Cyrus' "We Can't Stop" song except without all the references to sin. 

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