Stuff Apostolics Like

  You know those moments when you’re driving and some person in the car next to you reminds you of a face from decades ago. And then your mind aimlessly rambles on it’s way conjecturing images of what that person is doing these days, and then inevitably settles on blurry memories of that person in the past? Well I had one of those occasions today. Except it was not about a specific person, but rather my church. My church, back in the day, was one of those churches that never had a dull moment. God was either rocking the socks of the place, or, if He was seemingly absent, we would witness 2-3 scandals in His stead which was just as entertaining and fulfilling for the gossip rings. Most of the time, it revolved around either adulatory, people leaving church, or teenagers rebelliously going to movie theaters. But every now and then, one of the scandals revolved around a polemic against the modern novelty and/or favorite children’s trend of that era. Let me give you an example: O...

A few weeks ago a friend of mine sent me a late night text. She was house-sitting and became worried when she noticed that a closet door had opened all on its own. Calmly, and with nary a pause, I responded that we don’t believe in ghosts; it could either be a demon or a vagabond child star from the 80’s—either way her only recourse was to rebuke it. She was encouraged by the answer, her fears allayed, and that was the end of it. What you just read was a typical experience among Pentecostals; where “the world” ascribes spooky, seemingly supernatural phenomena to ghosts, Pentecostals know better and correctly identify the work of satan’s minions. I must admit that, raised under the influence of my Arabic Greek Orthodox Grandmother’s superstitions as a child, it took me some time replace her foolish mysticism with the hard, fact-based, theologically rigorous rationalism of Pentecostal doctrine when I encountered it as a teenager. In places like campouts or sleepovers I was regularly ...

Oh what joys our generation has found in this new age to which we live. The spirit of our times is ultimately defined by that of social networking. We even find ourselves paying more attention to our virtual identity than our physical identity, so much so that we find ourselves checking our facebook on our iPhones many a time throughout an evening hanging out with friends. But what makes us different in our facebooking in contrast to that of how the world experiences facebook? Other than the exorbitant amount of photo-shoots which we partake in, and our desire to make our photographs look as professional as possible with our 200 dollar wal-mart/best buy camera (although the number of semi-professional photographers amongst apostolics has been on the rise as well), I offer one other option:   That of facebook stalking.... And not necessarily facebook stalking of investigating the statuses and comments and uploaded photos of a potential mate (of which I assume we are all g...

Somewhere in the heart of each gospel is one of my favorite stories. The story goes like this: Jesus goes into temple, looks around, gets very very angry and just starts going all Hurricane Katrina on the place. He breaks out a whip and starts whipping the life of out the place and everyone in it. Now, I want to first know why Jesus had a whip to begin with. Because quite frankly, Jesus went into Chuck Norris territory when he pulled that stunt. Seriously, before the whole beating the life out people in the Temple courtyard,  Jesus was kind of passive. He would get mad, but never brought down the hellfire.  So then we get this Rambo Jesus whipping people. Why? Because He is God that’s why. Don't believe me? Well how about some  real photographic evidence: Okay, that rant really does not have much to do with this post. But I was just  trying to think about any biblical comparison to what we experience in the “lobby.” And in a way the Temple courtyard where the “J...

Oh the legacy of being an usher. What more can we say of you that has already not be said ye usher? (excuse my use of King James English as I have been hopelessly bound to reading Moby Dick as of late) Ye ushers protect our temple’s treasury from the attacks of the bawler, thief, and demoniac forces to which we are so accustomed. Where would we be without you ushers? Perhaps, without the usher, upon the giving of our monetary gifts and tithes, our church would be found under continuous attack of Somalian pirates and other such scoundrels   wherein our plight would results in immediate bankruptcy unable to properly fund the salaries of our pastors, elders, and electrical bills therein. For in the bowels of self sufficiency as a church, we need but a few valiant characters of ill-repute who find their calling not in the praise of the congregation en mass, but rather in the calling of justice and the protection of funds therein. But seriously, who are they that possess the myst...

This is post is brought to you by the vibrant and sensible intellect of Brandon Curry, who is currently an Iowa resident, but I think I can safely claim him as a Michigander…. Hit it… For the many of us out there who have grown up in the pews, women dancing in the spirit, men running in suits, and the shouting unknown tongues were all as common to us as secretly saying curse words were for other kids. Relatively bizarre and outward displays of emotion were the normative for apostolic church, whereas the rest of the world would have to settle for an episode of Jerry Springer, WWE Monday Night Raw, or the Rocky Horror Picture so to see “different and exciting.” Preachers will shout off the peaks that our differentiator is in our holiness standards. While standards (or “distinctives” as the term is being better known as) are indeed a different maker, I argue that our identity is not born out of the standards, as much as our difference really rests out of having “Good church.” Many ...

  Alright, so here is another informative blog. It's not even my own...it's far better than what I could've written on the subject and plus it has an optimistic ending (something I think we need more of around these parts). For now the author has yet to give permission to use their name so for now, we'll just leave the author anonymous. Also, a challenging study, do an in depth study of satan, it will not get boring (note Job 1 & 2, I Cor. 5 for instance).  Without futher adieu: Is Lucifer the name of Satan? This idea that the true name of Satan or the devil is Lucifer comes from a passage of scripture in the Old Testament, Isaiah 14:12, How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! How art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations! (KJV) To many this verse is referring to Satan and in this paper I will assume that position. I am not going to argue the interpretation of this passage of scripture but rather the error in...

Okay, so as a resident sympathizer for women's causes, I have trouble stereotyping the female gender within the apostolic realm as a whole. So I will add this sidenote: The following is true for 85% of the female gender within our historic movement. If you are not one of the 85% please feel free to laugh at those who this is addressed to.  Also in an informal survey of 4 apostolic young men within the house that I am sitting in at this moment, one of them defined two specific plans for their wedding (small and in a tropical setting) meaning that if this terribly thought out survey was demonstrative of the men in our movement, 25% of the males enjoy planning their wedding. But essentially, unmarried apostolic ladies love thinking about, talking about, reading about, and watching tv shows about weddings. For proof ask teenage girls in your church what plans they have for their wedding and your ear will be talked off about various styles of wedding dresses, best season for a wed...

Preface: This very post has been brewing for a while. And it's been a long long time coming. Several individuals have written to me suggesting this topic be written, but I have just been really really nervous that I could convey the logic behind what is about to be written because it involves a need to go into the Greek of the bible, a bit of theological rambling nonsense and also if one has not heard the argument behind it, it can really cause a complete 360 of confusion....But that said, the truth does not forfeit itself so we can be comfortable in our own knowledge.... And in my hesitancy, I realized very quickly yesterday that I don't actually have to write much. In our most recent post, the topic that is addressed here was written about more eloquently and concisely than I ever could write. More or less this post is using these commenters own words as well as those that have been e-mailed to me. So, thank you Ryan Evans,  "Lee,"  "Chuckles," an anony...

If there's one loaded Apostolic phrase other than "We're praying for you," it's "We missed you." Let's break this gem down: The Implications No Apostolic worth his salt would respond to the simple, friendly statement "We sure missed you at church last Sunday!" with a simple, friendly, "Why, thank you!" and expect to leave things at that. "We missed you" is so classic because of everything it implies. Not only were you not in church, but the reason for your absence is unknown and therefore suspect. It is a statement, but in reality, it is a series of questions: 1. Why weren't you in church? 2.Why didn't you give advance notice? 3. Is your excuse sufficient enough to reassure me that you aren't on the road to perdition? If these questions can't be answered satisfactorily, one begins to question if you are truly a real Apostolic, or if you're one of those spineless fence-sitters. The Origins Why do w...

It's a really good day up here. The weather is stunning. And I am considering myself on a one day sabbatical because baseball season basically gets under way today.... If there is ever a post here on SAL that is about syntax it will be this one.... Apostolics love the "anointing." In fact, we have many claims about the anointing, and dear reader, I would be leading you astray if I was to tell you I would be examining our cultural understanding of anointing and then applauding the very understanding. Rather as you have come to expect, I, your amateur blogger for now will investigate the common held beliefs regarding the topic at large, and then proceed to deconstruct these myth traditions in hopes that we may leave this very website with a more informed understanding of what the anointing is, and in that process be encouraged. I would estimate 4.3% of all apostolic sermons focus on the anointing.  Myth #1: The Anointing runs top-down from the pastor t...

Apostolics like sitting in church. Apostolics like standing in church. How do we enjoy both opposites?  The answer is that we like each depending on the context. When we are standing up for the "reading of the Word" at the beginning of the sermon, we anxiously await the words of the preacher to instruct us in declaring "you may be seated." So in such a context we love sitting. However, at about 20 minutes- to 90 minutes after the instructions to "be seated" we somehow find ourselves acting as a flip-flopper (ala John Kerry 2004), and wanting to stand. At such an occasion, we anxiously await the words from the speaker for "the musicians to come while you rise in closing." So at such a time we love standing. We enjoy sitting or standing in church depending on the context. Those Who Sit while we Stand But what about the frequent saints of the church who get somehow confused about this order. During worship service, they are seen pl...