Saturday, April 24, 2010

#145-Using Facebook like we are some CSI investigators

Oh what joys our generation has found in this new age to which we live. The spirit of our times is ultimately defined by that of social networking. We even find ourselves paying more attention to our virtual identity than our physical identity, so much so that we find ourselves checking our facebook on our iPhones many a time throughout an evening hanging out with friends.

But what makes us different in our facebooking in contrast to that of how the world experiences facebook?

Other than the exorbitant amount of photo-shoots which we partake in, and our desire to make our photographs look as professional as possible with our 200 dollar wal-mart/best buy camera (although the number of semi-professional photographers amongst apostolics has been on the rise as well), I offer one other option:
That of facebook stalking....

And not necessarily facebook stalking of investigating the statuses and comments and uploaded photos of a potential mate (of which I assume we are all guilty of in some sense), but rather the facebook stalking that has us crawling to and fro amongst various facebook profiles looking for "the evidence."

The evidence by which I am referring to is that of investigating that of speculative or concrete evidence of sin.

This of course takes on many forms....


If you are a conservative, you find yourself investigating the eyes of many a female facebook pics trying to figure out whether or not mascara is discernible within them. Because make up is a sin. And it's also a gateway sin. Because once you start wearing make up ("Devil's paint"), you mind as well start calling yourself Jezebel and trying to convert others to bow at the idols of Ba'al.

Perhaps, the conservative may look yet at the social setting of a photograph and try to discern if the environment to which a picture was taken in, resides within a "bar-type" environment which, if speculation proves true, alludes to many other demoniac obstacles to which the picture suspect is inevitably tied to.

And what about the hair? We strain for maggots to try to discern whether or not someone has decided to cut the angelic protection off their hair via shortened bangs or rounded ends....

Lastly, it is the statuses themselves to which the conservative may be most inquisitive in their inquiries. If a lyric is quoted, we copy and paste that status straight into google to find out what worldly pagan is the author of such lyrics. Should we choose to investigate further, we may research the rest of the song/album to see if, by someone's chosen lyrics as a status, they are involuntarily identifying themselves with the overly sexual, vulgar lyrics that the singer/band has produced elsewhere in the song/album.

Or perhaps we see their spiritual quotes on grace, or verses quoted about love as disguises for their lawless lifestyle which is bound by no ethic but that which satisfies their flesh.

Much of the same can be said from the above, except the inquiries are now pursued with the mentality, "are they are on our side yet?" So we look for the bangs and the devil's paint in hopes that they have come to the "dark side."

Or perhaps we scour the various hairstyles of the "uncut" and judgmentally giggle at the audacity of their hairdos.  

The one key difference being that we speedily pursue the facebook statuses looking for any sign of conservatism (buzzword: holiness), so we can sit and dwell on the status and then grow bitter  and resent the status bearer. 

Upon rereading this section, I realized I left out one key part for the liberals...if they are not investigating to see who whose on their side, they are doing it to be able to say "hypocrite" to conservatives. They look for various nuances within those of the conservative and when guilt is found in photograph, they can now claim that the viewpoint of the conservative is delegitimized by the ultimate failing of the conservative to their own conservative ethic. Of course, the irony can now unfold....The judged becomes the judge. 


  1. lol. I know people who refuse to get a facebook but go on other people's just to spy.

  2. Bahhhh ha ha ha!!

    I am a victim of this ALL the time. Jeepers people, get a life and leave mine alone.