Stuff Apostolics Like

This one is pretty straightforward...If the entire UPC (liberal and conservative alike) had a facebook, and if facebook had a "dislike" button, the first thing the UPC would collectively dislike would be Joel Osteen's facebook. And then they would probably make a facebook status about how there is more to religion than happiness.... But in reality such a fantasy world does not exist, so we settle on 3-5 minute mini-sermons (or full sermon) in church on how there is sacrifice and trial in Christianity, and happiness here on earth is not God's end goal for us (Heaven is). Therefore church should not be made to make us feel good about ourselves, but should make us better Christians and better witnesses. This will then be followed by a rant against "soft Christianity" (or some other similar term will be used), and then Joel Osteen, MegaChurch Pastor extraordinaire will be referenced as an author of this "soft Christianity." Most of the time this mini-...

The topic of prom like clothing at youth functions has already been addressed once in this blog, but the topic I wish to address is an entire entity all its own. Yes the zoot suit, we’re all ashamed to admit it, men, but amid the late nineties, during the swing music revival, led by such bands as Squirrel Nut Zipper and The Brian Setzer Orchestra, we all donned our double pleated pants, knee length 24 button jacket and sometimes even the two tone wing tips. But wait! Those days never left us! At least not the weird kid who still tries to pull off royal blue mobster chic at every camp/conference/convention. There’s always one, and he’s never hard to spot. He’s usually by himself (go figure), walking full swagger (I swore I’d never use that word) through a throng of people, carrying with him a bible and an undeserved sense of accomplishment. It’s hard to tell why he has such a hard time letting go of a style that died with Princess Diana. Does he really think it still looks good? Is i...

Whether it be a trip to congress/camp/convention/creationist museum/choir tour/amusement park or any other destination, the church/youth group trip is sure to be a catalyst of many above average memories of awkward courtships, hotel shenanigans, and stern "talking tos" for years to come.... Of course half the fun of church trips are the road trips themselves. Be it through a fleet of cars or through the decade-old, sometimes reliable, environment hating Church van, the road trip defines the mood of the rest of the trips once at the destination. The conversation borders on the edge of inappropriate, but usually can be accounted on the fact that puberty can be a very confusing and conflicting time for everyone involved... and you never want to be that kid who falls asleep while everyone else is still full of energy because you will either be burped on, poked at, or at the very least have random object thrown in your mouth. And then of course there is the "cool vehicle...

It's a microchip, it's a retinal scan, no . . . it's the Mark of the Beast! Apostolics like deducing the Mark of the Beast. If we can just pinpoint exactly what it will be, we can avoid getting it stamped on/implanted in us by the false prophet, thereby avoiding eternal damnation. Do we care that we wouldn't be able to "buy or sell" without it? Pshht! Are you kidding me? The Mark of the Beast is for the weak. "But I have to take the Mark or I won't be able to buy my organically grown arugula from Whole Foods." Please. Apostolics are having none of that. There's nothing like Mark of the Beast talk to inspire us to start thinking about investing in rural property, growing our own food and digging wells. Not only are we The People of the Name, but we're The People Who Have the Moral Fortitude to Live Off the Grid when things get down to the nitty gritty. Seriously, if you would even consider taking the Mark, you might as well writ...

So there are 3 layers of attire formality that exist in Pentecost: Sunday Best Special Sunday Service Best (e.g. Easter) Last night of Camp/Convention Best And it's for good reason... The last night of camp is our best opportunity to dress to impress...it's the service where even people who were not present at camp/convention show up to see what the whole hub-bub is about. The Sociology of it all Basically, in mating and courting rituals, we all emanate signals for the opposite gender to identify us as potential mates. When I wear a shirt with a cliche anecdote from the movie Napolean Dynamite, I am signaling to other Napoleon Dynamite fans of the female gender that we have the same sense of humor so therefore I would be a good future husband. Of course at the same time I risk alienating other females who have not seen the movie or did not like the movie. With that said, I am simplifying my mating preferences to have the highest appeal to Napolean Dynamite fans. With the above...

Okay, that picture has nothing to do with breakout services, but this is the infamous Charles Finny of 1800's preaching fame. His picture came up for some reason when I Google searched images of "breakout services." So yea... But there are many facets of the breakout service that we can enjoy, much of which will remain unspoken as not to offend all. But we do always enjoy the shouter in our congregation who let's us know the Spirit is in the house...like the sound of a trumpet before going into battle, we know the shouter is signaling the call to get ready to get a downpour of God with possible dancing added... The question is now, will this worship service become a breakout service? As the worship gains momentum through either the worship service or during a choir song, the excitement gradually builds. First it is the most spiritually consistent who join in the celebration, but you know the service has some real potential to "breakout" when you look and se...

Ah the youth room....the prize and joy of all that is relevant and casual. It is the place where we feel comfortable inviting our friends within our church. Our youth pastors are hip complete with vest and blue jeans to preach in. The music that is played is entirely recent in th at it probably came from a Hillsong or David Crowder or Newsboys or Israel Houghton. But none of these things make the youth service entirely awesome and emotional in and of themselves.... It is the darkened lighting that gives the youth services it's flair and mysteriously causes the Holy Ghost to seem that much more stronger in comparison to well-lit youth services. It brings the intimacy home, and we as youth are ever thankful for it. Is your youth group stagnant and you want it to grow? Head on over the the unofficial sponsor of all youth groups everwhere, Ikea where you need to purchase any of the pictured lights to give your youth room just the perfect amount of lighting to make you feel like you are...