Friday, October 2, 2009

#70-Deducing the Mark of the Beast

It's a microchip, it's a retinal scan, no . . . it's the Mark of the Beast!

Apostolics like deducing the Mark of the Beast. If we can just pinpoint exactly what it will be, we can avoid getting it stamped on/implanted in us by the false prophet, thereby avoiding eternal damnation. Do we care that we wouldn't be able to "buy or sell" without it? Pshht! Are you kidding me? The Mark of the Beast is for the weak. "But I have to take the Mark or I won't be able to buy my organically grown arugula from Whole Foods." Please. Apostolics are having none of that. There's nothing like Mark of the Beast talk to inspire us to start thinking about investing in rural property, growing our own food and digging wells. Not only are we The People of the Name, but we're The People Who Have the Moral Fortitude to Live Off the Grid when things get down to the nitty gritty. Seriously, if you would even consider taking the Mark, you might as well write "Carnal Wuss" across your forehead right below 666.

But on to the postulations . . .
To our credit (maybe), most of us don't take the Mark of the Beast as described in the Bible as literal. As in, most of us don't think it will literally be the number 666 scrawled across our foreheads or hands. So, with that out of the way, what the Mark will really be is open to interpretation and conjecture.

Will it be a special number that everyone has to have without which no man can buy or sell? Yikes! Oh, wait . . . we already have that. Er, social security number, anybody?

No, no, it'll be a microchip implanted into everyone's hands which everyone will use instead of money which will bring on the advent of a cashless society! Oh, wait . . . we already have that. They're called debit cards and credit cards. And when's the last time you went to take a gander at literal money sitting an individual bank vault which consists of actual, physical money in your bank account? Uh, oh . . .

No, no, it'll be a retinal eye scan that will contain all of your biometric information and Big Brother will be able to track you and follow you every waking moment of your life! Oh, wait . . . we already have that. It's called Facebook.

And the attempted pinpointing lives on
C'mon. You can't expect us to stop talking about the Mark just because all of our postulations about it already exist in some form and most of us are somehow already connected to them in our daily lives. You must be outside of your mind if you think something insignificant like that will quiet the buzz. We can't have a decent study of the Book of Revelation without trying to deduce the Mark. Because Revelation is about the end times, and--What was that? You say the full title of that book of the Bible is the Revelation of Jesus Christ and NOT the Revelation of What's Going to Happen in the End of the World? Dude, you're blowing my mind.


  1. We wont even be around when the "MARK" is going down... we'll be raptured already!

  2. Oh, but that depends on what portion of the tribulation you believe we're getting raptured out of. If you're pre-trib, you don't have to worry about the Mark and getting martyred, etc. If you're mid-trib, you may or may not have to worry about it. But if you're post-trib, whoa, Nelly! Hold on to yer hat!

  3. How do you know the book of Revelation isn't already fulfilled and you're worrying for nothing?

  4. Because she's not an idiot

  5. To the post above this. People who believe that the book of Revelation is fully fulfilled including the return of Christ are idiot's? Do you know what it's like to be excommunicated, threaten with your license, because you believe in eschatology?

    Tell me...
    matt 24:30 "...They will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of the sky, with power and great glory.
    Matt 24:34 "This generation will not pass away until all these things take place."

    If Christ hadn't return, is the first century generation still alive?

  6. Seriously? C'mon guys....I think this post was meant to laugh at how serious people take various interpretations of the book of Revelations...and somehow that same thing ends up happening in the comment section of this post?

    Normally I would delete these posts, but this is too humorous...

  7. Actually this is all quite humorous. I'm the Second Anonymous commentator. I made the comment because I thought it was quite funny that you didn't include that option in your post. There are some of us who believe that most of the book of Revelation is already fulfilled. However, in no way do I take this very serious because it certainly is not a heaven/hell issue. All dispensationalists and non-dispensationalists are still going to the same place whether it's pre-trib, post-trib or NO-trib. Love you all!

  8. fair if you don't mind, I will continue to go on talking bad about preterism as if I completely understand it and build it up to be something that it is not so i can easily tear it down...without ever actually talking to preterists...

  9. IF it's so humorous and not an issue then why are there many preterits that are excommunicated from going to their church's?

  10. First of all, if preterists are excommunicated, that's sad. However, not knowing the whole story, I'll leave that alone. Believing in partial-preterism, I do not set my church existence on that doctrine alone. I would be foolish to, just as a dispensationalist would be foolish to. NEITHER of us know for sure. I just happen to believe more things point to partial-preterism than dispensationalism.

    I think you would be surprised at how many "closet" preterists or partial-preterists there really are in Pentecost. We've just learned to shut our mouth about it.

    We wouldn't want to be "ex-communicated" after all.

    Man, and people think WE have an ax to grind?


  12. LOL @ the comments here.
    Apostolic preterists are akin to Art Bell radio followers. KIDDING!! RELAX! HAHAHAHA