Stuff Apostolics Like

I am averaging  0.333333333 ( Repeating, of course) posts per month over the last three months and yet the little stat thermometer says I am getting 150  visits still a day (save Thanksgiving)? Perhaps they are all just computers visiting my site a random and reading about these strange people called "Apostolic," in hopes that if one day they can speak in tongues, they too will also became humans.... Second confession: I am starting a multi-person blog.... This is challenging. I am having to do things. I don't like this. If you or anyone  you know who knows anything about writing code in Wordpress, and is okay with getting absolute zero monies for their work, then please contact me.  I will pay you via means of a personal handwritten letter and/or a collage. Because I am making collages lately man. Post? Post: When I was a kid and not long ago, there were/are many whispers around the church about revival. The revival was coming. We knew this. You still kn...

Yeah that one verse about that one issue regarding functionality, adaptability, proportionality, actuality, and sometimes magic.

The Guilt You can already hear it. That altar-call plea for you to go out and bring in the sheaves. Because if you don't, on Judgment Day, your co-workers and your neighbors are going to look at you with wide-pleading eyes, demanding of you, "Why didn't you tell me I needed to speak in tongues to get here?!" Then you'll be left, shrugging your guilt-laden shoulders, hanging your head in shame because apparently, you were too ashamed of Jesus to recount Peter's Pentecost sermon to people. Think you're gonna hear "Well done thou good and faithful servant?" Guess again, playa. The best thing for you to do is start inviting people to church left and right to avoid gettin that spiritual blood on your hands. After all, the Bible says inviting people to church is the first step to saving their souls . . . oh, wait. The Glory High-five, dude! Bob from accounting finally gave in and got a taste of that Holy Ghost FI-ya! All those "If you don...

Wow. It's been a minute since I've lifted my fingers to post here, but, in an attempt to go back to that old landmark, and since we're talking about praise & worship, I figured I'd throw in my $0.02 (which actually costs more to produce than it's worth but . . . ah, well. Take it up with the US Mint.) In this conundrum we Aps have found ourselves in, this bitter divide between old-school and progressive (or shall I say "stick-in-the mud, divisive, legalistic curmudgeons" and "bitter, emergent, liberal compromisers"?) one of the many scads of issues up for grabs in an attempt to define who the Real Apostolics are is music. The more the music reminds you of them old time days, them days when C.R. Dinkleton (because all Real Apostolics have two initials before their last names) would preach up a dusty storm in the buggy heat and tarry in the brush arbor, the more likely you are to be ready when that trumpet sounds. The more the music rel...

There are situations and then there are Situations. I think we are dealing with the former here, but I could be wrong. Once upon a time, the Platform served as the facilitator of the distribution of Prestige within the Church. There was the Pastor. And then the elders. And then the Platform Musicians. While the spiritual demand was not nearly as high for the platform musicians, their place on the platform was a testament to the relentless Ego of men and women to claw their way to fame. If you don't know how to preach in the UPC, dont fear, because you can always  try and become a musician. There the stakes are much more glorious and far more violent than the tyranny to be a speaker. TO be a UPC musician does not mean you have to be called to it. All that's requested is that you have a drive to be a musical force.... I'm wandering. I will go back. I apologize. Okay, the point is the Praise Team Man..... At the likes of Bible Colleges and big churches, there is a ...

Alternative Title: Kind Suggestions for the female gender on securing that future husband at the ballroom melodramas of our organization (from the perspective of a male). #1-  No Circus Hats In spite of precedent this year, and by precedent I mean, Royal Weddings, there are no circumstances in here or in heaven that large and absurd hats would be permissible to wear. Especially when one is trying to keep a boyfriend or look for a boyfriend. Wearing absurd hats, much like absurd head pieces is a simple sign for us men that says "Future Cat Lady." There is a reason the USA revolted against the British almost 250 years ago. And I suspect funny hats are one of those reasons. Don't nullify our revolution ladies. Trust me, you will get our attention  if you wear weird hats to church, but the strare you will receive from us will have nothing to do with a desire to talk to you. Rather we stare at you to burn you at the sake. #2- Don't obsess over what you wear. We...

Video to prepare for Youth Congress, on the Eve of Youth Congress.... (more posts coming in coming days about youth congress)...

Editor's Note:  Also the picture above arrived in my inbox last night with the caption: " For those apostolic hipster men that want to stay modest."  Which entirely deserves a good old Al Pacino "Whooo-Ah!" Also Another blog from another anonymous blogger... I like it:   Last night I indulged in some late night revelry with a friend of mutual appreciation for one another’s life paths. After a short while our conversation segued to the topic of how we are treated at church and major church functions. For the most part we’re kindly greeted, given a passive aggressive invitation to church “anytime” and casually dismissed. What is most interesting, though, is when the preacher has direct knowledge or relationship to us. Often a message is given in which we are described (indirectly and/or ambiguously, so as not to directly call us out) as “knowing better”, “having been raised right”, and “just wanting to take the easy road.” Now, all of these statement...

Editor's Note: A friend asked me if he could post on youth congress' predictions. I said yes. He asked to be anonymous. I consented. The above is a picture of Columbus and crew doing what the White man does best.... Command and Conquer. Imperialism. Etc... Except now we do it through material elitism and an Apostolic Identity that seeks to obfuscate any identity that does not find one going to church in a suit and a tie, with a clean shaven face. And you think it's a coincidence that Congress will be happening at COLUMBUS, OHIO this year? Pssssst. The Fashion Predictions of North American Youth Congress. With North American Youth Congress just a hop, skip and a jump away I thought I’d take it upon myself to do something a little different this year. In years past I’ve waited until after Congress to write about and discuss the years fashion choices. But this year I thought I’d try to make a few predictions, and we’ll see which ones pan out. (Please excuse that these predict...

A Pastor's welcoming message to the guests first service. Hello, welcome to the Apostolic church service. God will be here. It's good that you are here. Join us, as we worship God. This first visit will be nothing like you have seen before. It will be awesome. Why? Because we are Apostolic, that's why. Don't know what Apostolic means? Just read Acts 2 and you'll know where we come from. Sure the sun won't be darkened, nor will the moon be drowned in blood like Peter describes in the Last Days. Heck, we don't even have the tongues of fire that's described. But we do have the Truth. and God. And our Apostolic Identity. This is important. Also don't include the last few verses of Acts 2 that describe the Apostolic experience as having Communion daily or having all possessions in common. That's just not realistic to our capitalistic society. But trust us, we're as Apostolic as you can get without being a communist. Also read Acts 2:38... it's...

Maybe, I have wrote about this topic before. I have no clue. I don't remember yesterday. Thus it's impossible for me to remember the content of this blog. The point is, I realized on the day before yesterday that one of the worst kind of horrorshows for our movement is when someone confesses that filthy illusion that they consider themselves "in the middle" of the Left or Right "spectrum" within our movement, or more specifically.... When someone claims a point or a stance that actually means something, a Man in the Middle chimes in that "We  Must maintain a balance and keep the other "end" of the argument in mind."   And then that convictionless person rambles on about not straying to far to the left, or too far to the right, but Keeping our eyes towards heaven.... And God's will, happens to be the middle? Did I miss something? No I didn't. So before I continue, this kid below is reminding you and me, that if there is a...

First first: If we want God to live with us, we must teach him to abide by our routine of life: Maybe it was a month ago. Maybe more. I don't really remember to remember time or dates these days. The point is, I was on the phone with a friend who requested his name remain anonymous for this post. Beneath the surface. This mysterious friend, made an observation amongst many others he has made to me over the years, that within Apostolic Pentecostal churches, "the point of worship service is no longer to make you feel the Holy Ghost." But rather, the proper goal for most worship services these days is "to make you feel like you feel  the Holy Ghost." The quote may seem like simple words games, but I would argue the extra "like you feel" is a very important distinction. The point would be that within worship services, pursuit of God and encountering God are no longer the thing pursued. Of course, everyone would say that encountering God is the whole...

Dear Saints and Sinners, My silence has no cause.  You are still near to my heart.... And today, I offer you a project that was constructed in the name of SAL. It's SAL's first original movie (which is not original one bit). Fondly, JR

This post will be brief...And no it is not the post I promised in my previous post about "the Fortunate Son," but that's because I know some of my limits, and one of those is not to write about your target when you are angry.... One of the staples about an Apostolic defense of Holiness is the classic line about how a certain Apostolic woman was out and about, and some random stranger walked up to them and asked either A) if the woman was Apostolic or B) Pointing out that there was something different to said Apostolic Woman.... Now, the first previous response on my part is that what really stinks about such a testimony is that I, as a male, am excluded from such a delightful experience....Nor have I ever met an Apostolic Man who has testified of some onlooker noticing the "holiness" within the male... Apparently God is a feminist who only lets woman enjoy the fruits of holiness and separation.... But there is something that isn't talked about amongst the pe...

It's the Creedence Clearwater Revival week here on Sal which means music from one of my favorite 60's bands... Something at the turn of the millenium went terribly wrong. I'm not precisely sure what it is, but I can guess: Liberals Apostolic preachers started reading books. And while we were taught all our lives about the immense reward for reading, I want to go back ten years or so ago and tell those liberal preachers "whatever you do, don't read a book." And I mean it. Because, it's not that reading is in itself bad... But rather, Apostolics have an amazing ability to walk into any bookstore and somehow bypass all literature that could indeed change themselves or change the world, they manage to come out with the weirdest, overpriced Christian inspirational book there is because the author was the pastor of a megachurch, and the design of the book is eye-catching and the title of the book is offensive. Shocking. Disturbing. And almost always, the book p...