#211-Vanity, vanity

First off, I would like to thank Joel for allowing me to ramble on his blog. He took a big leap of faith in letting me do this, and I appreciate it.

Second, I would like to begin making my excuses (of course!). It’s finals week(s) and I am a senior in college. If I were in high school, none of this would matter to me. But since my GPA actually does count now, I’m devoting my life to what’s left of my studies. Therefore, my time is going to be filled with notes and books and other awful nightmare-ish things that take precedence above everything else. Long story short, I’m holding off on writing until I throw my cap in the air. (12 more days!) But before I temporarily hiatus, I have another post in the bag.

(Note: I hesitated about this post. Not because it's highly controversial or anything but because it's one of the many gray-standards-issues that I don't really quite understand... and thus am compelled to write about.)

Today’s topic has to do with the fascinating and delightful topic of nails. No, not the kind of nails you hammer into wood, but the kind that are on your fingers. To narrow it down further, I am talking about fake nails. Now, the reason I bring this up is not because I have a desire to wear them and I can’t and so I am therefore subconsciously letting off steam. Although that would be an understandable excuse, it’s not the case. Instead, this idea came to me several years ago when I was at camp and noticed that the cool thing to do was to get a French pedicure and wear flip-flops to show it off. And of course, one had to have a matching French manicure. Of course obviously, this French tactic was used to combat the dilemma Pentecostal girls have about nail polish. Since we can’t wear it, the next best thing is to get some stuff that looks unnatural but is labeled as natural. Although what’s so natural about blinding white tips on one’s painfully pink nails I leave you to discover.

This is just an extra-long aside, but Pentecostals seem to find a loophole that allows them to commit just about every sin the world has to offer while still technically maintaining standards. For example, can’t dye your hair? Just put some “Sun In” on it and voila! Blond streaks! No makeup? Wait for Halloween! It’s excusable then. Can’t cut your hair? Get a perm – they usually fry off about five inches worth. It’s easy! As someone who has grown up in this, you can tell I have learned just about every loophole there is (and every time I go to a “district-wide youth function” I learn a few more).

Anyway, back to my main point. The biggest excuse I have ever heard for wearing fake nails is that they are more “natural” and not as sinful as regular colored nail polish and therefore they should be allowed. Here’s the problem with this: aside from the previously mentioned unnatural yet “natural” color, fake nails are just that – they are fake. Meaning unnatural. Meaning bits of plastic you glue to your fingers, all for vanity’s sake. In short, that argument is ridiculous, and I still do not see the reason why Pentecostal girls feel fine wearing fake nails.

I hope this post doesn’t offend people, because that’s not what I intended. Personally, although it probably seems like I have a problem with fake nails, I actually do not. It just seems to me that the justifications for wearing them need to undergo some modifications if they are to hold up to anyone’s scrutiny, especially that of a new convert. (In Pentecostal world, New Convert is the ultimate trump card of the game, kind of like Helen Keller is in Apples to Apples.)

Note: to all the guys out there who don’t wear fake nails – I’m sorry. I hope this post did not bore you.