Stuff Apostolics Like

This post is recommended by one Kyle Brown (complete with pictures he suggested): So if you want to know what is at the heart of Apostolic trending in female fashion, see the headware above... No, really.... I'm being serious... ..... Okay. ......Now let's talk about it... Kyle pointed out that at first these headbands popped up as very mild, in the form of kind of a throwback to the days of the hippy: Which was weird in and of itself, and of course there have been the coward version to pop up to make you think these headbands are serving some kind of weird function to bind up hair:   but as every slippery slope expert knows, such rebel rousing will lead to hell in a hand basket, and in this case the hand basket was a headband... And now we are seeing bits and pieces of this out there amongst our females (no joke): First of all, let me be the first on record to say these things are hideous. The only good headband in the history of headbands has bee...

To all past readers, I am happy to announce a new merger of sorts: StuffApostolicsLike is joining the ninetyandnine.com family ! The site and it's staff have meant the world to me the past year. A few of you may have seen some of the writers on this site (Chantell Smith and myself, Joel Riley) write articles either on ninetyandnine or as a contributor of another blog through ninetyandnine called collideoscope. To all the new visitors from ninetyandnine, welcome to a blog that will hopefully change your life. And be forewarned, this is not your average blog ranting against the death of holiness in our churches or at the same token ranting against the rise of legalism in our churches. Let me explain as briefly as possible who we are, what the blog is, and some basic rules... Who We Are: The actual contributors right now to the site are Chantell Smith, Glen McGee,  and myself. I think every one of us is in college to some capacity including 2/3 of us being in grad school whic...

"Praying through" is one of many Apostolic terms that makes zero sense outside of the Apostolic world. Imagine chatting with one of your unchurched colleagues about it on a Monday afternoon during your lunch break: Colleague: So, how was your weekend? Susan and I went to a friend's house on the lake. It was lovely. You: Let me tell you, this weekend was awesome. My old buddy Bill hadn't darkened the church doors for years now. Well, last night -- Colleague: ( interrupting, with a quizzical expression ) You have church on Sunday night? You: ( laughing sheepishly) Yeah, we do. ( attempting a bit of humor ) We do things the old school way, you know, keep the Sabbath day holy! Hee, hee. Colleague: ( narrowing eyes suspiciously) I thought the Sabbath was actually on Saturday. I know a guy, Abraham ben Judah, he's a Jew you know, and he goes to his synagogue -- You: ( getting annoyed) Okay, but we're getting off the subject. I was just going to tell you h...

Okay, so it's getting late and I really didn't have time to do a complete post this evening, but I figured I would give a half-hearted attempt anyways..... Inferno is one of those annual "mega-church" events (future post) centered around youth that every church strives for, but only a few precious churches can muster the financial muscle, venue size, and sweet lighting effects to actually roll with the big boys of charismatic churches....Inferno is basically a Because of the Times except on a slightly smaller scale and a bunch of over-dressed youths looking to get as much God as possible in an evening without ruining their chances of getting future wives/husbands instead of the BOTT being filled with a bunch of ministers looking to tell each other just how much growth they had over the year and some brilliant new marketing strategy they invented.... That said, I think Inferno is spanish for "In ferno." And it really doesn't have anything to do with Dante...

And don't act like you don't know what I am talking about.... There is nothing worse than seeing a girl ask a guy friend (not a boyfriend) for a massage right in front of a group of people knowing that all they are thinking about is if we were not Apostolics this massage would equate to a flirtatious make out with no added emotional attachment.... Oh it just creeps me out.... Such events are most common during conventions when the legalism of "no touching" at camps is no longer in play....so they dudes and chicks just massage their little hearts out thinking it's okay all in the name of getting a tight knot out in the small of one's back..... Of course, all is fair when massaging is confined to one's gender, (girls seem to always be taking part in massaging madness with each other which seems fine to me.) However, to you dudes who take part in Apostolic massaging with females and say there is nothing sexual about such massages, I ask you one question...wou...

(Okay, so the google image market for "Sermon Participation" or similar searches is almost non-existent. Since awkwardness is the secondary theme of this post, I hope the above picture will suffice ) I think we have all seen this at least once in our lives...The preacher is preaching towards a climax complete with marching half way down the aisles, and at some point without clear organizational precision, the preacher glances down at a particular person sitting near the front, usually in the youth section... And just as quick as you can think "I hope the guy sitting down was paying attention," the preacher picks the young man up via the preacher's arm slipping through the half open arm slot of the folded arms of the young man, and POOF, we're in.... And by "we're in" what I really mean is we will find ourselves in concerned admiration and worry for the next 15-90 seconds as we enter the Awkward Zone..... The awkward zone during sermons is most...

Okay, some days I do wake up and feel that I need to be somewhat political....and today is one of those days....While this topic is certainly not accurate for all of Apostolics, it is still prevalent in many circles and I will address it now....Bon Apetit For some reason, the civil rights movement didn't find the UPC until the 1990's....So much so that most church planting was reserved for rural and suburban culture, and urban environments were left untouched by the UPC up until very recently. It's incredible that in the suburbs of my area (Detroit) there is almost a UPC church per city (with a few patches untouched), but up until a few years ago there was only 2 UPC church in the entire city of Detroit.....Thank God for the church planters in my area who have decided to cut the denominational segregation out in recent years (I think there are now 5 UPC churches in Detroit which is still not enough, but it's progress)... The point is we as Apostolics are worried about ...

Usually it starts off as a discussion....something about hearing that some other church dropped such and such a standard, or started doing something in church differently such as cutting down church from two services to one. Then a person chimes in that such a move is so representative of the compromising times....No more holiness, no more following of the scripture, nor more God..... Perhaps someone rebuttals with a scripture or two and how they don't see the issue as necessarily scriptural. But then comes the sage in the group...the voice of infinite wisdom as if he could have written Proverbs himself....This sage talks about how he does not know if the issue in and of itself isolated is a sin issue (or perhaps he chimes in with the brilliant observation to show how impartial he is by stating the issue is not necessarily a heaven/hell issue). But as the sage sets the stage of how he really has no stance but to please God, he adds that he does think the issue up for discussion is ...

Preclude: I am an avowed Trick or Treater and will be until the day that the good Lord calls me home. This stance will inform the rest of this post. Think this might get you mad? Don't read.... Chapter 1: Those Nasty Rumors about Halloween (and the geniuses who started them) aka "Where we were" Let me take you back to the late 80's and early 90's.... When I was in elementary school, and while the momentum of Halloween was at it's participatory height historically, there was a growing sense of paranoia in the air... Amidst all the rumors of just how evil Devil's Night was complete with imaginary gangs bringing hell on earth, and the joy in the chaos of costume, threats of trickery with demands for glucose infested dietary suplements, and downright excitement as more and more television shows were airing their Halloween episodes, were news reports to watch out for drugs, poison, or razor blades inserted in candy.... And these news reports were no small matt...

Admit it. You've done it before. The newest release from the hottest Bible college group hits PPH and you've scooped it up. There's one particular song, though, that spreads like wildfire, and before you know it, your home church choir is learning it and it's basically on eternal replay at every rally and convention known to Apostolic mankind until the song has long since worn out its welcome. All of this is fantastic, but there's just one teeny problem. Everybody thinks the song is original to the Bible college of the version they heard. Little do they know that the Bible college group nabbed it from someone else (legally, of course), Pentecostalized the style, and then released it before it went PPH Platinum. There have been many past examples of this curious phenomenon, but none so egregious as with the song known as "Shackles." Don't act like you ain't heard it. Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance / I just wanna praise Him / ...

When I think of the great mysteries of our Apostolic identity, one of the first things that comes to mind are bird nest hairdo's. The second thing that comes to mind are church puppet shows... Seriously, what in the world happened? Where was our head at? And if your church still actively utilizes this form of children's ministry, Godspeed my friend, Godspeed and a buxom blessing to you.... And the reason I write this post as if puppet shows (ministry) were past history, from my limited experiential framework, I have not ran into an actual live running puppet show in several years. It seems to me that once Pixar started making full CGI movies, the Sunday School teachers knew their puppet technology was long past it's expiration date.... That's not to say that the Puppet Show ministry was worthless. On the contrary, some of my most detailed memories of my childhood were observing puppet shows....they were entirely effective for people my age and older (who were not raise...

(Aside: While I do listen to some secular music this blog is not meant as an attack against people who do not listen to secular music out of personal conviction. I really respect such convictions and really believe God honors such commitments.) A history Somewhere between the hip gyrations of Elvis, the marriage of Jerry Lee Lewis to his 13 year old cousin, and John Lennon claiming the Beatles were bigger than Jesus, the relationship between Christianity and Rock music started to go sour. Then songs like "Sympathy for the Devil" came out and wacko's like Jim Morrison started playing with the occult. And the divorce papers were written up. The divorce settlement went something along the lines of: Church music would consist of country music, gospel music, or choir music. If church music were to have anything to do with rock music, the band would have to play absolutely terrible rock music. Also church music could have Creed and MC Hammer. Rock & Roll was left to it...

The one of the main purposes of the lesson is to get the audience to grow in understanding. There are many ways to go about this method: A power point slide presentation A handout broken down by lists An object lesson for adults (not too much different from the Sunday School Version) Telling the same tales over again but adjusting them slightly to fit with the sermon topic One other classic homiletic device that seeks the same purpose is for the pastor to say a brief sentence (or a larger sentence broken down by fragments) which either closely corresponds to the message itself or has a bit of side wit and wisdom about it. After the reading of the sentence, the preacher will then instruct the audience to look at their neighbor and recount the same line. Some variations of this method exist, most notable of which is the "tap your neighbor on the shoulder (or leg) if it's appropriate and tell them ________________." If the preacher is witty and wants some audience laughter, ...

If there's one thing that Apostolics of every stripe could feel collectively, it would be feeling "led." When we feel led, it's more than a mere normal mortal temporal human emotion. Feeling led has a touch of the divine. Feeling Led Basics The fundamentals of feeling led are made up of what can best be described as a spiritual traffic light which contains its own more rudimentary spiritual feelings, "quickenings" and "checks." If you feel a "quickening" in your spirit, that's the equivalent of a spiritual green light. In other words, you're feeling led to go or to move ahead with something. For example: "There was a quickening in my spirit, and I felt led to pray for Sister Betty." If you feel a "check" in your spirit, that's a spiritual red light. In other words, you're feeling led to hit the metaphorical brakes. For example: "John had been praying about his relationship with Jane. He wa...

Businesses like Goodwill and Salvation Army exist to provide an under resourced and disadvantaged community with affordable goods needed to clothe their families and provide resources for their children. But ask any Pentecostal what their local Salvation Army is there for and by golly they’ll tell ya “To make me fabulous, for CHEAP!”   The Pentecostal romance with the musty racks of the local “Sally’s” and “The Will” go back for decades. In the late 80’s and early 90's there was a resurgence of the “vintage” look and Goodwill’s became the go-to place for affordable retro looking clothes.   Never mind the fact that the Goodwill’s are there for people who can’t afford the off-the-rack prices most of us can, we need our throwback tee’s and we need them for thirty-six cents (plus tax)!   Of course I was guilty of this, but who wasn’t? The coolest tie I’ve ever owned was a vintage Dior tie from the Goodwill by our district camp ground I bought for $1.25. My favorite tee in high school ...