Monday, November 2, 2009

#88-The Church Sleeper

The Battle
One of the greatest challenges in life is entering a church service with less than 4 hours of sleep under your belt and trying to stay awake the entire service...

The battles between staying awake or dozing off for a few z's during church can be quite momentous....Usually the first question before engaging in battle is whether or not the battle is even worth it....if you are wise, you sit in the back corner of the sanctuary where face time to other people is minimal. So if you do fall asleep, a few people at most will be able to spot your error....

But for most of us, this luxury is not realistic for we as young people do not want to be thought of as on the way out church backsliders, for only on the way out-church backsliders really sit in the dark crevices, clefts, and back rows of the sanctuary ... and this brings about the battles between sleep and awake, death and life, being worldly or being holy.

We struggle, we wrestle, we find our eyelids fading fast over our eyeballs....we even try different strategies to find the right arm angle to support our tired heads and block potential sleep-catchers should we accidentally fall asleep.

Of course the worst kind of losing battle in church is when we do not have any head support and our heads bob slowly down in front of us as we fall into the great abyss of sleep, and in one traumatic instance our body mistakes our head falling as our entire body being violently thrown into the depths of hell, so our body convulses and jerks back up like lightning from heaven, which of course makes us become awake, and wondering how noticeable our head jerk into consciousness was to those around us.....

You quickly glance around, and see that no one notices that we were sleeping....except for those 1-2 people staring at us smiling and giggling at you....30 seconds later, your fighting the battle all over....




The Champion of our Hearts
I said all of the above to say this...


There is one amongst us who is more courageous than us all...


He sees the potential battle between consciousness and sleep within a church service and is honest with himself and his environment from the get go and knows the cause is a losing effort.

So before the battle even begins, this champion forfeits all rights of battle and elects to go where only a few have the guts to go to:

Unrepentant, non-secretive, heavy nap sleeping during church.

And it's not once in a blue moon this champion chooses to sleep roughly 90% of the sermon length, but rather quite consistently...

Like almost every service consistently...This man/woman is the church sleeper.....
 
Every church has one...should you be part of the unfortunate church who does not have one, I suggest you go to your local elementary school's 4th grade play and find the one man who above all else is crouched in his chair completely immune to the noise and commotion around him of loud children and corny jokes, and sleeps his little heart out...

And these church sleepers....as hinted at above, their church sleeping is no joke...The kind of sleep they find themselves in appears to be those rare kind of deep sleeps that only God himself and Hurricane Katrina could intervene....

The last question I have is this....judging from the genuine lack of any paranoia of being caught sleeping in church whatsoever from the church sleeper, I wonder if these church sleepers show up in church for the sole purpose of knowing it is the one place in this messy world where they know they can receive the appropriate amount of soothing sermonizing and shelter that some need to fall asleep.

And thus, if the above is true, I argue that the church has found just one more ministry that it provides for the lonely and scared populations of our society: A place of not only spiritual rest, but also physical rest as well....

And that is why I think each church should provide the sleep ministry that is closely integrated with the leg-covering ministry for those slain in the spirit. Wherein the church does not charge the church sleeper(s) to sleep in it's pew during service (where as a hotel would charge to let a guest sleep in it's room) and further provides the sleeper with a blanket and pillow to use during service....

In exchange for this service/ministry, it is the church sleeper who is required to place the blankets and sheets  and what not on top of those slain in the spirit. Perhaps the church sleeper could place a few pillows under the heads of those slain when he/she is not using them to get their nap on...

Just a thought...

7 comments:

  1. OMW!!! That was funny!!! Cause we have a church sleeper!!! A church Reflections magazine reader!!! AND a church chin hair plucker!!! HAHAHAHA!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have to admit that I've got a lot of respect for the church-sleeper. It takes courage to completely disregard the scorn and condemnation of one's peers in order to catch up on some much needed sleep.

    Your suggestion of making it a full-fledged ministry is interesting. Many a pastor already does their part by preaching absolutely, brutally boring services(and let's be honest here, there are some sermons that can't be saved by retroactive moralizing or aesthetic side-steps). Why not complete the work already started by offering heavily padded Bible covers (with an encouraging verse printed on it or something)to the congregation that can double as pillows in times of dire need.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Chady could also be considered one of these church sleepers :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. As Chady's pastor, I will be keeping on eye on him. I like the idea of the Bible cover. Maybe something like Psalm 3:5: "I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the Lord sustains me." I would like to consider installing a "nap room" at church for those in need of divine rest. A completely darkened room with a TV silently on in the corner. A fan blaring. A supply of Ambien for those in need. Train massages? I would even consider leaving the platform and visiting from time to time.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love the idea of a "nap room". However you would have to monitor it closely, so that it doesn't become a habitual place for some. It might allow them to think they can stay out late on Saturday nights, which would then lead to excessive partying, which then leads to wearing jewelry, which leads to the spirit of Jezebel, and that just wouldn't be good, and before you know it you are skipping Sunday all together b/c your bed is more comfortable than the "Nap Room" and eventually you are a backslider! Better think twice about that "Nap Room" especially if your Pastor is visiting it!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have never seen Chady sleeping during service or at least while pastor jsuey is preaching. I really like the idea of a sleep room it could double as the visiting minister room and a place for the people who drive a hour to church to rest inbetween services. Let's not forget a flat screen tv with espn where we could check what team is winning during service. Lol

    ReplyDelete
  7. Haha, I'm not the church sleeper, but exhaustion did hit me once while I was in the 2nd row right in front of the preacher. Fortunatly, I have some pretty amazing neck muscles apparantly and my head stayed upright the whole time so only the visiting minister and everyone on the platform knew I was sleeping through everything, sigh {:)

    ReplyDelete