Wednesday, October 13, 2010

#199-Obligatory Worship

Editor's Note: This blog is me wrestling, because lately I don't like worship (way too honest for my own good). I like the thought of worship, but the actual action....ehhh not so this post is me asking for your help.  Thanks for your help in advance.
We are a nation of worshipers. Worship is what makes Apostolics Apostolic in appearance before all else. We all hear of and occasionally see other denominations that are right in line with our "Apostolic Distinctives" but they don't worship like us, that's for sure. We get our dance on in church and we ain't apologizing for it...and it's worship that will get us our revivals. If you pray so long every day the Revival will come. And soon enough, in our denomination of free worship, we may mistakingly stumble on a denomination where prayer and worship in church is obligatory. Not intentionally, but essentially, guilt becomes the currency for people to act a certain way in their "gift giving" worship. And then it's not really worship, is it? Please don't get thrown off, I'm not bashing....I'm just confused....story:
Some of you may wonder where my calculated coldness and cynicism comes from. It's not such a good quality, but if you want to know one of the sources of it, look no further than my father and his side of the family. My dad for instance, would always end the opening up of my sister's and I's birthday presents, with "There's your birthday, I hope you're happy." And he's not laughing when he said it. He says that line the same  way someone would say "I want to bludgeon you with a club." He's a cheapskate, and he plays the role of "Dad who gets kids gifts for birthday" perfectly, but he's not going to let you forget that he hates it. But that bluntness is him, and I would have it no other way. Honesty is our family's currency of love.on

One step further to those awesomely hilarious Christmas Eves of my childhood at my grandparent's house (father's side). It is entirely Irish in its bluntness and cynicism, and all of it exacerbated under the ridiculous amounts of liquor consumed by all (save my father and mother). My grandma's, (who is the focus of this anecdote) beverage of choice was a Manhattan. My father had three sisters, and three brothers who except for my father and one uncle were all fairly wealthy. And when a majority of the siblings could make it in town for Christmas, not only would that mean more gifts for me (one of only three grandchildren growing up), but it also meant a lot of drunken insults and crude jokes and remarks about my father's evangelical religion. Which made me laugh even though I didn't actually know what was going on, because I was a kid, who would have a whole brain full of jokes to recite just for the occasion, who also felt like a prince for one evening, who was also there primarily to open a trunk load of presents. It was Christmas Eve. The one day a year that I looked forward to more than all others. It was magical. There were expensive presents! I was to be spoiled! So much laughter.  My uncles and aunts were all so couth outside of the drunkenness (which also added to the nostalgia of the evening). And to add to all of it, we had this tradition that wouldn't allow for the presents to be opened until midnight, so I was an anxious child, center of attention, who would walk around the room doing these silly monologues with cute mind bending puns and stuff to enhance the entertainment level of the evening, just so i could feel like i deserved the hundreds of dollars of presents that I would soon open up.

All my grandparents would do during this whole time would be to sit there in the family room on the couch and get drunk of their rocker, not saying a word. Especially my grandma, God rest her soul, she was always the most intoxicated. If it was up to my grandparents, none of this Christmas stuff would be happening because these strangers (their kids and grandkids) were invading their territory. However, this would also mean that they wouldn't have the excuse to get drunk of their rocker with the drinks purchased by one of their kids and mixed perfectly by them (seriously, my father, aunts and uncles were taught how to make a Manhattan for their mother when they were kids). 

Eventually the entire family would make their way into the family room where the Christmas tree was located. By now, there were so many presents to be disbursed sitting under the tree, that the Christmas Tree looked like it needed to go to the bathroom really bad, and couldn't hold it in anymore, so it started just going in the family room, and the overflowing of presents extruding from beneath the tree, was the excrement it was leaving to be picked up. A solid quarter of the presents were mine, all mine. 

The “big present” I was to receive was always from grandma and grandpa. I would open up the present and always find myself stunned at the extravagant wealth that was imparted to poor little me. I would go absolutely ape with whatever the present was. In this instance, it was two ventriloquist dolls (yeah, I don’t know why asked for them either).  I didn’t deserve this….I mean sure, I’m the continuation of their gene pool who evolutionarily speaking, was responsible to carry on those same genes to further generations, but this? I didn’t deserve this. Grandma and Grandpa really outdid themselves this time. And they outdid themselves the next time, and every time there after until Grandpa kicked the bucket and then one alcoholic aunt slept with the other not-so-attractive-aunt’s husband at the third aunt’s wedding, and thus Christmas was regulated to a giant sibling conflict with half the siblings on one side, and the other half defending the other side like Christmas became a miniature Civil War wherein the one side only showed up to Christmas if the other side was going to be absent and it was all terribly inconvenient to me because by now, presents were not so numerous.

 I digress, back to the Big Present that I would open from Grandma and Grandpa.  After showing the present to my mom and dad as if to show them “see, this is why I love dad’s mom and dad more than mom’s mom and dad,” I would turn towards the couch where my grandma was (My grandpa usually vacated the Christmas gift proceedings in boredom after a couple of gifts were opened). And my grandma would be sitting there on the couch, drunk off her rocker, in whatever hideous muumuu she had settled on for the evening slouched and withdrawn from all the Christmas glory around her.  I would “thank you grandma.” Her name was Marge by the way. That adds to her whole image. She wasn’t listening when I issued the Thanks. Because she was drunk off her rocker…maybe she was having the spins even…I don’t know. So the aunt who actually bought the present with Grandpa’s and Grandma’s credit card, would get her attention, “mom, Joel’s thanking you for the present you got him.” Marge would look up towards the region of the room where my aunt was pointing and see whatever expensive toy I was displaying like a model (in this case, two plastic, creepy ventriloquist dolls from those TV shows in the 1950’s), and her eyes would instinctively get HUGE like she was saying “I did what?!?....For that sickly looking kid?  Who is that kid anyways?” And then she would compose herself and say “Merry Christmas” and then follow the declaration with this kind of dark, sinister laugh like she was enlightened to some horrible reality that I did not know of….as if, when she was saying “Merry Christmas,” she was really saying “enjoy it while it lasts.” After she was done laughing to herself and making me hate old people, she would scream to the party that was now occurring in the kitchen “MORE MANHATTAN!”

She had to do this. And I was with gift, so I wasn’t complaining.

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Bris at 99 Years old

There’s this story in Genesis 17, it’s awkward. Like LOL awkward. So awkward, that Abraham laughs about it. The scene is God talking Abraham (excuse the liberty of reinterpretation of this scene)…

God: “Yo Abraham, I’ve done a lot for you and a whole lot more is going to come. You will be a very big deal because of me. The three monotheistic religions will base themselves with you as the start.”

Abraham: “No way! That’s awesome God. Thank you thank you thank you. What can I do for you in return?”

God: “Well there is this one little thing…nothing much really…it’s something called circumcision.”

Abraham: “Circum what? What is that?”

God: “Well it revolves around some scissors…and *Cough* your manhood. And some snippy snip with the scissors and your…..*Cough* …well you get the picture.”

(Abraham’s eyes get HUGE)

God: “See. I knew you’d give me that look. It’s all about you isn’t it? You’re just using me. And when I ask you to do this one slightly weird and awkward thing, to signify that you are my son who is separate and distinct from your neighbors, you get this look about you, like the world is ending.”

Abraham: No, no no. I shouldn’t have acted like that. I love you. It’s just I never expected something like this. It’s kind of a big deal. So sudden. I mean, we haven’t even invented pain killers yet. Do I have to?

God: Well, there is a kid in it for you on the other end of it.

Abraham (smiling): Okay, I’m in. I’ll do it. Where do I sign up?

God: Circumcision is kind of your signature. There is something else….your servants you’ll have to circumcise them too.

Abraham (scratching head):  Wow, talk about awkward….but okay

God: Now you know how I feel! One other thing…Your 13 year old son, Ishmael…

Abraham: Oh no…

God: Yeah, you’ll have to snippy snip him too…

(awkward silence)

Abraham: For you God.

And then imagine the scene with the servants…

Abraham: Hey guys listen up. I’ve been very generous to you guys right? You would do me a favor if I asked it, right?

Servants: Yeah. Absolutely. Anything for you Abe…What you got mind?

Abraham: Well it’s not really my idea. Understand this. I wouldn’t wish this on you in a million years. But that God guy that I talk to who you can’t see or hear….well ummm…there is this thing, right? It’s called circumcision. And you take these scissors here and then you….ummm…take your manhood….(demonstrates complete with a presentation of his own circumcised self)….

And then Ishmael. Talk about AWKWARD. So awkward, that when God tells Abe to kill Isaac a few chapters later, it’s not as shocking as you would think, when you have previously circumcised your 13 year old son.

Abraham: Ishmael, let’s talk about this little thing called circumcision. It’s a blessing really. A little brother will be born as a result that you can play with. You want a little brother don’t you?

Ishmael: Yeah, sure. What do I have to do?

Abraham: Well you gotta step over here to this little booth I got set up with some scissors on it…and you mind as well lift up your robe…and it revolves around a little snippy snip…

Except when you read Genesis 17, the Bible is generous enough to save us the awkwardness of the whole ordeal, and what we do have is an Abraham who is circumcising himself, his servants, and Ishmael like Circumcision was his middle name.


Somewhere between the begrudging gift giving of my father at my birthday and my drunk-off-her-rocker grandma on Christmas Eve and the joyful willingness of Abraham to circumcise any male that slept under his roof is my lifelong struggle with worship. There is a song that says “I will give you all.” It should be rephrased “I want to give you all.” Romans 6 says I’m a slave to Christ. He set me free from sin and owns my rights. It all seems so beautiful. And I want that to be me. But I’m so far from it. And I struggle like none other about when my worship is genuine worship and when it’s obligatory worship administered in dread.

I can tell you  I used to be that guy who would jump in song service and always make sure I was in the thicket of any kind of “move” at the altar during service. I was “that guy.” One day, I had to reconcile with myself, that the worship I was doing was not me. It was not genuine. I was acting the part out of obligation, and expectation. And I still occasionally hear preaching that says worship is only worship if it’s done with shouting, sweating, dancing, and tribal utterances, as if to say that since God demands all of you, and He’s worthy, you must leave that time of worship drained, as if God was designated all along to be an energy sucking vacuum that was not satisfied with you until you wouldn’t have enough energy to go on Facebook when you got home.

Worship is so incremental to our movement. Pentecostalism demands it. I love it. But in our eagerness to promote it, we can all too easily create an atmosphere where worship is mandatory, at which point doesn’t it stop becoming worship?

So I withdrew from my frenzied war dances during church, and became much more of the Introverted Pentecostal that was more sincere in worship. I stopped dancing. Haven’t danced much since. My worship in church is just like my worship at home…quiet, reflective, conversational, and I would add sincere (but that doesn’t mean that those who dance at church are insincere). I stopped caring to make my worship look like something that felt so foreign to who I was, and started worshipping as the creature that I felt God had created me to be. Naturally, the suspicions arose amongst the church that I was walking away from God, but in my heart I felt my resignation from exuberant worship was making sure  I was doing away with the obligation in my walk with God and making it more “authentic.”

This is all so boring, I’m sorry…I guess at the end of it, I don’t know if my leap towards introverted worship was the right thing. I think it was. And I maintain. But doesn’t worship require an element of doing that which you don’t want to do and doing it anyways? I’m not saying this means that if you are telling yourself you don’t want to dance, therefore true worship would indeed be to dance..but I’m saying that recently I’ve begun praying when I wanted to. Because that worship would be absolutely sincere. Done completely of my own will. But not surprisingly, when I go about my worship and devotion like this, it ends up being less than I had  if I had set a strict routine of mandatory devotion, even when I didn’t want to. There have been days recently, where I go an entire day without muttering a thought to God, except begrudging myself that I have not prayed to Him. On the other end, when I do have the strict routine, there are those days where I am just like my dad, my grandma wherein my tone in prayer is me telling God “I hope you’re happy” or “Merry Christmas” with a scowl across my face.

I never watch movies twice. That would bore me. Similarly, prayer and worship becomes way too habitual and repetitive for me at times. I mean, how many times can I say “God you are great?” and “Thank you God” and still maintain sincerity that those very declarations demand? I don’t know.

And I’ve gone on too long. Any suggestions on how to wade these waters of making worship, real worship, and not a duty? But yet maintain the consistency of it? 


  1. One of the best posts I've read. Maybe because, I too, struggle with demonstrative worship. I struggle even more with MANDATORY demonstrative worship. Really, is it worship, or simply exercise if you jump up and down on command? For years I thought there was something wrong with me; what was the problem with my heart that I didn't feel jumping, dancing and shouting showed God how much I loved and worshipped Him? Then one day, I had a conversation in which I was telling someone how I can't be outside without marveling at God's creation. I see a beautiful sky and I am instantly in awe...usually always to the point of saying it aloud. "God, you are so amazing. Thank you for allowing me to see this." My friend looked at me dumb-founded and told me that they never once have had that happen. That's when I realized that true worship is like our whole relationship with God. It's unique to each individual. My worship is more like yours, quiet, reflective, conversational and absolutely 100% sincere!

  2. You're carnal and you need to fast more! lol just kidding!

    Seriously though, that's what I used to think of myself when I'd have a hard time wanting to worship. That I was too carnal and needed to fast until my stupid flesh wasn't so much in control all the time. I've heard preachers say "If I prayed only when I felt like it, I don't think I'd pray twice a month!" and stuff like that. But I've also read David saying "O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water." (Psalm 63:1) And it was like an epiphany for me, our stupid carnal flesh can faint for God? We can actually physically desire Him? Waning desire isn't to be blamed on how our mortal flesh doesn't enjoy sitting in darkness talking to someone we can't see?

    And so began the evolution of my worship. From "If I do it first, then everyone else won't feel so awkward doing it, and we can all worship God as much as He deserves, thus provoking Him to move and bless us all as much as we deserve for worshipping Him so much." To something more natural (and nature has a lot to do with our flesh).

    And natural to me is actually a lot like what aimee528 talked about up there. Naturally, I'm visually oriented so when an instance takes my breath away, like when I'm lying in bed thinking of Him until I realize something new about His awesomeness (Psalm 63:6) my heart reaches out to God like a hug. And I don't even have to say anything in such moments, I just see it in my mind, me throwing my arms up and hugging Him. That's worship. Because since He talks to us in visions, I can respond in the same language.

    Naturally, I like the written word. So sometimes I write letters to God, instead of just repeating phrases like "God you're great" over and over again. I remember Job requesting that his confusion and questioning be documented in writing, and I can relate. In fact, an entire novel might just come out of it, just like with Job, or with St. Augustine's 'Confessions.'

    Naturally, I hate routine, so I put in the effort to mix things up with God. Not by copying what I've witnessed seasoned church-goers do ever since I started attending a Pentecostal church at the age of 9 (like do this dance, and jump that way). But by changing the scenery, finding inspirational surroundings or sounds to meditate on Him to ( has these cool recordings of Bible passages to simple acoustic compositions, even the entire book of Ephesians). Like today, I listened to 'Vito's Ordination' on repeat, and all my thoughts have been preoccupied with the teleology of the incarnation! That's worship.

    I like to think of worship like how we make plans with our friends, and go out and do stuff with them in order to spend time with them. You'd never call up a friend just to use the same exact words to have the same exact conversation at exactly the same time each day, would you? When I've tried to "discipline" my devotion, it's become like a chore, clock-in-clock-out. Peace God. And yet whatever you enjoy doing, God's interested (so I've discovered).

    Worship is covenant renewal, circumcision was a covenant signifier. The way I see it, circumcision's more equatable to baptism than to worship, since both are outward signs of an inward reality. (And I think Paul agrees with me, cause of Romans 2:28-29) Worship on the other hand isn't a mere outward signifier, it's the ultimate reality of our existence. More than something we practice, it's to encompass our whole way of being. Along the lines of the proclamation "for me to live is Christ." Not even our lifestyle, but our very life!

  3. Wow. Awesome. Every single person who leads worship should read this. Worship is personal and intimate and between myself and God. I shouldn't be frowned upon if I choose not to worship the same crazy way someone else does. It's ok. God loves me just as I am.

  4. Well, we can't really judge spiritually and God-connectedness by externalities, can we? Thus, a service that's bouncy, bouncy, fun, fun, can be easily contrived. Cajoling a congregation into calisthenics is probably not a sweet smelling savor. As a pastor, what I like to see is a genuine emotional response, usually hands lifted, eyes closed, a tear or two, mouth barely moving; the kind of thing that happens when one encounters our breathtakingly glorious God in an intimate way. Like the song says, I have decided, I have resolved, to wait upon the Lord, and He will come. When He does, I'll respond appropriately.

  5. Excellent post...
    And as a worship leader, I can appreciate your dilemma. I have seen many pastors and worship leaders attempt to draw out certain emotions from people under the guise of "worship" only to satisfy their own whims..."wow, I really made a difference tonight..."

    I feel the problem lies in our definition of worship. We often reduce it to mere outward expression within the bounds of a 2 hour service 2 or 3 times a week...shame on us!

    Worship is so much more. You mentioned Abraham: Gen 22 tells the story of Abraham bringing Isaac to the land of Moriah, without telling Isaac that God had commanded him to be the sacrifice. Yet you see when Abraham and Isaac depart from their travel companions to ascend the mountain, Abraham informs them that he and the lad are going up to worship and will soon return.

    How beautiful! Abraham didn't consider the enormous sacrifice as a sacrifice! He considered it to be worship to his Lord! And when I think of my own rotten attitude so many times..."I've got to give that up too?! Ugh!"

    Worship shouldn't be reduced to such shockingly small proportions. I want to worship God with my life...that means giving him glory in everything I do...places I go, people I speak to, the thoughts that I dwell on, what I set before my eyes... How cheap has worship become when we compartmentalize it?

    Now, as a worship leader, my focus of most every service (it is difficult to be vigilant, but I do try, I promise!) is that people make a connection with God. I will admit being frustrated in the past whenever people weren't "responding" to the good Holy Ghost-filled songs of worship that I was gracing them with, but I've come to see that people connect with God in many different ways. If I can successfully lead someone to a special moment with Jesus (and I'm well aware that I can't take anyone to a place that I've not first been myself) then I have fulfilled my calling for that individual, for that moment.

    I happen to be exuberant in my expression of worship whenever I hear songs that give glory to Jesus, or whenever I hear his Word preached, but I could never demand or even expect that from others. Afterall, a church full of "me"s running around would be psychotic...I'm fairly certain. :D

  6. @meagan I completely agree, and have posted a video I really enjoy about a lifestyle of worship it really is how we should live.

  7. Wow. This post and comments almost made me cry. Many times I've wondered what's wrong with me. Why don't I feel like worshipping like everyone around me apparently does? Am I really that out of tune with the Spirit? There have been times when I was moved by the singing but felt nothing during the sermon. Times during the sermon I felt like weeping, but nothing during the alter call. Times I've stayed in my pew to pray instead of going to the front because just those few steps has far too often taken my focus from Jesus to me being in front of the church. There have been times when I don't sing, but speak the words because I know the songs so well I sing on autopilot but speaking them actually makes me think and connect with what the song is saying about God. There have been many times I've wondered as a praise singer, 'Am I a fraud? I'm up here singing and praising like I feel Jesus and I don't feel anything.'
    Perhaps it is because of this, this mandatory, this guilt worship. Perhaps it is that portion of my personality that sometimes sighs in resignation when a preacher or worship leader seeks/demands a response and sometimes burns with indignation.
    I am glad for the comments of others, reflecting some of the ways I also feel closer and in awe of God, that have nothing to do with being in a service (although there are many times I do feel God in service.)
    Times like,
    -Driving slower on the way to and from work just to appreciate the scenery and thank God for how beautiful He made this world.
    -Trying to read a days reading on the Bread chart and not being able to finish because I got caught up in a verse and just had to stop to think and pray about it and take it in and hug to myself God's goodness.
    -When I read something and identify and have to thank God for bringing me out of or keeping me from similar situations.
    -When I sing or hum, just to myself and Jesus, not having to worry about how I sound because only Jesus is listening.
    -When I realize something I've done was being Jesus hands in the world and stopping in awe at the idea that He would use someone like me to help someone else.
    That's when I really feel like I'm worshipping. When it's natural. And sometimes I worship exuberantly too. I almost started laughing once during worship because I was jumping so long and my legs didn't feel at all tired. I was on a Jesus high, but not out of my mind because I remember thinking, 'This must be what "they shall run and not be weary" will be like.' and then thinking of the scene in The Last Battle from Chronicles of Narnia where they were running 'further up and further in' and not getting tired. Before that I never knew what it was like to worship excitedly without feeling a bit fake. I'm glad God gave me that experience, but I equally love every instance of natural, just feeling and appreciating God as I go about my day, conservative worship. And those have been far more common than me feeling Jesus in the exuberant outburst church services.

  8. Hey folks, I have a comment, but it's too long ^^;

    So if you're interested in reading it, please go here >

    If not, no hard feelings either way, I just felt that it needed to be written, beyond that...who knows?

  9. Readers, I commend gavisas post. It's quite the length, but if you can stomach it, it's the opposite view of which I present, which I think is is a good thing to have the various angles represented. Gavisas is well spoken. Though I would attest that I disagree that how he offers his view of worship is the necessity for how things ought to be done for everyone, especially in light of the scriptures presented which I would argue, politely, do not necesasrily equate to the ends that Gavisas is arguing for also known as "reckless abandon" in our worship, and would posit I Corinthians 14 proposal for worship to be in decency and in order as a serviceable scriptural rebuttal.

    As for the rest of the comments, they have truly been helpful. I have been moved by the suggestions and find affirmation in the suggestions you guys offer as ways to worship outside of the expected norms. I think we are seeing the need to expand our view of our worship beyond what we see at the altar. This has been so helpful. I cherish each of your views. Thank you so much.

  10. I once observed a frustrated worship leader stop the service as some of the youth were not worshiping. The lecture over the pulpit was reminiscent of an overworked school teacher scolding those who did not do their homework.

    As I patiently listened and watched what was happening, I realized that the leader was trying to "force the kids to love Jesus". How absurd! No one forced me to love my wife either in my mind, or heart, or in my physical reaction to her.

  11. I havent read all the comments, just the post, so I'm sorry if I say something that someone else said exactly, but anyway...
    I think alot of pentecostals have this issue, and being part of a denomination where outward exuberant worship is a trade-mark for us, it is hard to distinguish between genuine and show.

    Alot of the time I feel that depending on the status of your spiritual growth, it doesnt matter as much, for example:
    a new convert that came to church and felt the move of God so strongly and is just so excited, they will do anything they can think of to get involved, which might entail flailing and running, not because they understand why, but because they see others doing it and think thats what your supposed to do.

    People who judge others in their church by how they worship really is a fault on their part. There are people in my church personally who I know love God and still arent outwardly "crazy" all they will do is raise one hand with their eyes closed and maybe mutte a hallelujah but that hallelujah is so genuine and poweful and built up that it doesnt matter how loud he gets.

    other people on the other hand, can sometimes go too far, where if it was genuine it would be fine, but you can tell like at a camp meeting, all of a sudden someone who never clapped during song service, or even said amen when the preacher says "can i get an amen"
    those people will all of a sudden be front row, pacing back and forth, clapping like they might break their hands, running all around and seemingly "making a show"

    none of these judgements should be made by others, and if you truly feel more genuine and feel like you need to search for your genuine form of worship then go ahead and be introverted, quiet and reflective.

    on the other hand there is a factor of the sacrifice of worship, which does mean give God praise even if you dont feel like it because he deserves it no matter what.
    I think if you set a time to pray every day that starts as obligatory, thats okay but make it reasonable, and as ive heard in preaching many times, eventually, even by praying out of obligation you will eventually be closer to God and he will give you a desire for what is now an obligation

    its kind of like the people who say they dont want to come to church because they know they arent coming for god but for some other reason

    it says in the bible that his word will not return void, so even if your doing something you dont want to, it will still affect you and its better than not doing it at all!

  12. (i just read the comment above me)
    i understand that preachers can feel almost a spiritual block when they are preaching if the people just arent letting god move, but they shouldnt try and force it. God inhabits the praises of his people....there are many forms of praise in the world
    just because there is alot of praise at a football game doesnt mean God is there
    preachers should know that forcing praise isnt going to help

    sometimes my pastor will say things like "come on lets get excited about God" or things like that when people arent getting into it but i think its more of a sadness and they have this message that God put on their heart and they really want people to get touched and if the spirit of God isnt moving, then theres a less chance of that happening.
    so...thats my little rant, but definitely if you feel like your reasons for outward praise arent right, then of course do it the quiet way, no one said you HAD to be loud and sweaty and sore throated to show you love God. No way!

    eventually after your soul-searching is over and your love for God will deepen, sometimes it just builds up in you so much you will show outward signs but THEN you will know it was genuine.

    I never ran the aisle's ever, except one time, and even then it felt a little strange, but that doesnt mean that i dont love God! some people worship differently, dont ever feel like you have to go along with what everyones doing. God wants YOU and your personal relationship, not your relationship carbon copy of the guy next to you!

    And dont feel bad about ranting, its totally okay :]

    God bless!