Friday, October 22, 2010

#202-Speaking Things into Existence

Note: Originally this little post was part of a much larger post, but as I wrote it I decided that it was not only too long, but distracted from the overall point. Therefore, I elected to write this separately and post it as a sort of precursor to the bigger article I'm putting up sometime in the near future. Please remember, this is intended to be humorous and sarcastic.

Have you ever noticed the lopsided nature of the “Watch how you speak, there’s power in your words” and the “Don’t speak that, don’t call that down on yourself/them!” The basis for this is generally given as Proverbs 18:21, but somehow it seems to have gone off the track.

Let me elaborate: If one was to say, “My nose has been running, I’ve got headaches, and my throat is getting scratchy. I’d say I’ve got a cold, I’d better go to the doctor.” You are liable to hear, like a refrain, “Hey now, don’t speak that! Don’t claim that for yourself! You’ve got power in your words and you mustn’t speak that!”

Now, if one were to say, “My water heater just went out, our sink is broken in the bathroom, both of them causing astronomical increases to the water and electric bills, and on top of all of that the mortgage is overdue. I could use a couple thousand dollars to pay those off.” The reply will be something along the lines of “Have faith and be patient! God can do anything and find a solution, but you’ve got to keep your eyes open and watch out for what He will do, not what you want Him to do.”

See the irregularity? Why is it that pentecostals have faith in God to fulfill their speech 100% when christians surmise that they may be sick or they may do poorly on a test, but not when they’re in need of help? Seriously, imagine this God we’ve created for a moment:

Somewhere in Heaven

God: Well, nameless observation angel, have you heard anyone speaking or implying anything that I might want to intervene in at all?

Angel: There’s Francine from Kenosha, her son’s kidneys have stopped working. They’re praying for a miraculous healing and recovery, but they’re also on the donor list and they’re proceeding with dialysis. Want to do the healing or move him up on the list for a transplant?

God: Hmm… long before I have to decide? I mean, I’m omniscient and all of that, I already know what’s going to happen, but you know I’ve been trying to mix things up—eternity is a long time for the same old shtick.

Angel: Well, the mother has already claimed a miracle in faith, you should really think about moving quickly.

God: Right, right…….so?

Angel: (Sigh)….It’s a pretty serious case, her son’s body isn’t taking too well to the dialysis, so you’ve got about five months, give or take, you know, your will.

God: Ok, send me a reminder in a couple months. I’m going to see how I can turn this into a preaching opportunity for some young minister. Alright, that aside….anything else……(whispering) anything good?

Angel:………umm, remember Susan C. in Ontario? The one who didn’t take the potentiality of your return into account when she told her friend she was getting married in a year or two? (NOTE: for the more recent readers, this is a reference back to my first ever post, which was on the Apocalypse )

God: Of course I do! I’ve been trying to keep tabs on her; she’s been getting ready with all of her little marriage preparations. Haha! She has no idea that the planning and development department is working double time in order to move my return up the schedule! What’d she do now?! Plan some sort of over-elaborate honeymoon to tempt me even further!?!

Angel: No, she just mentioned to one of her friends that she thinks she may have avian flu. She does in fact have the real flu, just not the bird kind, so she’ll need to get to take the normal precautions. I think she was just joking, but…..wait, what’s wrong with you?

God: (Head lowered, wringing hands, mumbling excitedly).

Angel: Sorry, I didn’t catch that.

God: (Throws his head back, laughing and points at the monitor) A HA!! She spoke it! You heard her, I heard her! Give her the bird flu!

Angel: C’mon, I really think she was joking, plus wouldn’t that compromise with your plans to come back just to mess with her marriage?

God: No, we can’t ignore this. Power’s within her speech, she knows better; she claimed it and I’m bound to answer! Also, I never really wanted to come back so soon anyway, this works out quite nicely…call it killing two birds with one stone, er, maybe killing a stone with a bird….flu? I don’t know, anyway, do it to it Lars!

Angel: My name isn’t Lars, but I’ll get on with it if you’re certain.

God: I couldn’t be more certain, keep me updated!


Poor Susan C. She has no idea. Perhaps you think that whole scenario was ridiculous? You feel that there are subtle nuances being ignored? Maybe, or maybe this whole power of the mouth thing has been hijacked and mishandled….Elaboration to follow in my next post.

1 comment:

  1. "...wouldn’t that compromise with your plans to come back just to mess with her marriage?" <--LOL!

    Even funnier, "Also, I never really wanted to come back so soon anyway..." lol...

    So that's why He hasn't come back yet! I finally get it now! We best start speaking that return into existence then...