Stuff Apostolics Like

So I just got back from my own district's holiday youth convention... There were four observations (only one of which will be discussed at length):  1)Someone pointed out to me that with the bombarding of elevators all of us pentecostals do at the beginning and end of services at these conventions/conferences, the elevators become ridiculously overcrowded. This person posited that we should propose the banning of mixed-gendered elevator riding in consideration of the vast amounts touching that is inevitable in these lengthy elevator rides. 2) Neo-McCarthyism is alive and well in our ranks. Complete with a reminder that what some of those heretics consider "a new way" is nothing new at all. It is then asserted that the speaker has been around for a long time and the "new way" is old and comes up again every ten years or so. 3) There is nothing that draws an apostolic audience into a sermon more than having the preacher stop his talking point mid-sentence,...

How many churches would have been lit on fire in boredom during church had it not been for the saving grace of the opportunity for a bathroom break during church? But yet, to you "ole faithful bathroom," I thank you for the opportunity for a break from the church madness. Without you, my only other outlet from the church service would be to text which we all know is worse than chewing gum during church. Of course, we must be willing to accept that roughly 60% of bathroom breaks are done in vain during church times. I make no qualms about it...there are many a occasion (though not all) wherein after offering, i take off down the middle aisle to my own place of solace and silence, otherwise known as the church bathroom. At this church bathroom, usually nothing efficient happens, save a washing of hands and a rearrangement of a rogue piece of hair on my head. While we bathroom-break-takers-during-church participants are ragged on on occasion when a pastoral rant is call...

For those who do not know what cardboard testimonies are...find someone who sends tons of e-mail forwards of anything that resembles anything inspirational in a Christian sense... If you still don't have such e-mail neighbors...watch this video provided by our mothership of a church...the Pentecostals Of Alexandria... For a better resolution version of the video from a church of a different breed, please visit... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ . If you're church hasn't had this happen at your church, please show this video to your pastor and demand action. It is only you who has such power....(it's happened at my church of 102 people). And seriously, dare I say this is one of most brilliant inventions of Christian culture mash-up madness ever? First notice the background music...it's usually the same song in every one of those videos...."How He Loves Us" which can be read about in more specific details here.  But in summary the so...

Being drunk in the Spirit is one of our bold trademarks of our Apostolic Identity. Sure it may not be precisely us who has that Holy Ghost overflow from week to week, but when the Lord reigns during service, and that Sis. So-and-So "gets it" with a loud shout and a dance to boot, we smile at God's working power. Of course there are those awkward times where the "HG Dancer" dances right up in your business....do you give him/her room to claim even more HG dancing territory? Do you block her in, informing her that while her HG dance is welcomed, it's not a free pass to scurry about the altar? But then again is that like denying the Holy Ghost itself the room it desires? Sorry, about that rant that has only 10% relevance to this post.... Anyways...what about those moments when you are drawn in at the alter? They may not be as common as the one or two at your church who consistently "get it" but there comes those joyous occasions where the Good Lo...

Growing up Apo there was always one risqué summer recreation which youth groups as a whole participated in: swimming with all their clothes on. A while back an email circulated titled “you know you’re Pentecostal when…” and I was shocked that “you have the ability to swim across a pool with Olympic prowess despite having on a jean skirt” was left off. There were two types of churches in the district I grew up in: 1) The church that strictly forbade “mixed bathing” 2) The church that condoned supervised “mixed bathing” as long as everyone was modest. Of course modesty entailed some criteria: White clothing was strictly forbidden. Everyone prevented immodest suctioning of clothing by wearing so many layers that you weren’t so much swimming as you were simply trying not to sink. Jean skirts were worn, preferably ankle length, which made paddling with your feet into a cardio workout that rivals P90X. Perhaps this article should be added to " the slippery slope argument ...

There's famous motion picture entitled The Matrix which has Neo, the main character, discovering if he is the long awaited "One" that the world has been waiting for to set it free from bondage. Most people equate Neo to a messiah of sorts, but I see Neo as a symbol of something more realistic in all of our lives...Here's a conversation that I will base my theory on: Neo : What is happening to me? Morpheus : You are the One, Neo. You see, you may have spent the last few years looking for me, but I have spent my entire life looking for you.  Neo, in the Matrix is a symbol for that future spouse we and our parents have all been praying for since our youth... Okay, well I gotta feeling that this post applies more to apostolic females than apostolic males, but I am sure we all love praying to the good Lord to send us "The One" unless of course we have already found him/her... To use an example I am going to out my older sister a bit (she does frequent t...

Let's get it right. It's 'platform.' God forbid if anyone were the victim of a Freudian slip and let 'stage' come out instead. 'Stage' implies that the Holy of Holies of this dispensation is nothing more than a place to allow centrally located carnality to reign. That instead of it being an elevated, anointed chunk of the sanctuary for the purest of worship to spring forth for the glorification of God, it's a place for people to put on an entertaining show for the glorification of themselves. And that's a no-no. ::shudders at the egregiousness of mistaking The Platform for a mere stage:: There are several observations I'd like to make with respect to Apostolics and their relationship with The Platform: 1. There is a difference between Regular Standards and Platform Standards. Ma'am, you wanna come to church wearing a skirt so short that it reveals the beginnings of your kneecaps? That's all right. You can even sign up to be a S...