Stuff Apostolics Like

So I just got back from my own district's holiday youth convention... There were four observations (only one of which will be discussed at length):  1)Someone pointed out to me that with the bombarding of elevators all of us pentecostals do at the beginning and end of services at these conventions/conferences, the elevators become ridiculously overcrowded. This person posited that we should propose the banning of mixed-gendered elevator riding in consideration of the vast amounts touching that is inevitable in these lengthy elevator rides. 2) Neo-McCarthyism is alive and well in our ranks. Complete with a reminder that what some of those heretics consider "a new way" is nothing new at all. It is then asserted that the speaker has been around for a long time and the "new way" is old and comes up again every ten years or so. 3) There is nothing that draws an apostolic audience into a sermon more than having the preacher stop his talking point mid-sentence,...

How many churches would have been lit on fire in boredom during church had it not been for the saving grace of the opportunity for a bathroom break during church? But yet, to you "ole faithful bathroom," I thank you for the opportunity for a break from the church madness. Without you, my only other outlet from the church service would be to text which we all know is worse than chewing gum during church. Of course, we must be willing to accept that roughly 60% of bathroom breaks are done in vain during church times. I make no qualms about it...there are many a occasion (though not all) wherein after offering, i take off down the middle aisle to my own place of solace and silence, otherwise known as the church bathroom. At this church bathroom, usually nothing efficient happens, save a washing of hands and a rearrangement of a rogue piece of hair on my head. While we bathroom-break-takers-during-church participants are ragged on on occasion when a pastoral rant is call...

For those who do not know what cardboard testimonies are...find someone who sends tons of e-mail forwards of anything that resembles anything inspirational in a Christian sense... If you still don't have such e-mail neighbors...watch this video provided by our mothership of a church...the Pentecostals Of Alexandria... For a better resolution version of the video from a church of a different breed, please visit... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ . If you're church hasn't had this happen at your church, please show this video to your pastor and demand action. It is only you who has such power....(it's happened at my church of 102 people). And seriously, dare I say this is one of most brilliant inventions of Christian culture mash-up madness ever? First notice the background music...it's usually the same song in every one of those videos...."How He Loves Us" which can be read about in more specific details here.  But in summary the so...

Being drunk in the Spirit is one of our bold trademarks of our Apostolic Identity. Sure it may not be precisely us who has that Holy Ghost overflow from week to week, but when the Lord reigns during service, and that Sis. So-and-So "gets it" with a loud shout and a dance to boot, we smile at God's working power. Of course there are those awkward times where the "HG Dancer" dances right up in your business....do you give him/her room to claim even more HG dancing territory? Do you block her in, informing her that while her HG dance is welcomed, it's not a free pass to scurry about the altar? But then again is that like denying the Holy Ghost itself the room it desires? Sorry, about that rant that has only 10% relevance to this post.... Anyways...what about those moments when you are drawn in at the alter? They may not be as common as the one or two at your church who consistently "get it" but there comes those joyous occasions where the Good Lo...

Growing up Apo there was always one risqué summer recreation which youth groups as a whole participated in: swimming with all their clothes on. A while back an email circulated titled “you know you’re Pentecostal when…” and I was shocked that “you have the ability to swim across a pool with Olympic prowess despite having on a jean skirt” was left off. There were two types of churches in the district I grew up in: 1) The church that strictly forbade “mixed bathing” 2) The church that condoned supervised “mixed bathing” as long as everyone was modest. Of course modesty entailed some criteria: White clothing was strictly forbidden. Everyone prevented immodest suctioning of clothing by wearing so many layers that you weren’t so much swimming as you were simply trying not to sink. Jean skirts were worn, preferably ankle length, which made paddling with your feet into a cardio workout that rivals P90X. Perhaps this article should be added to " the slippery slope argument ...

There's famous motion picture entitled The Matrix which has Neo, the main character, discovering if he is the long awaited "One" that the world has been waiting for to set it free from bondage. Most people equate Neo to a messiah of sorts, but I see Neo as a symbol of something more realistic in all of our lives...Here's a conversation that I will base my theory on: Neo : What is happening to me? Morpheus : You are the One, Neo. You see, you may have spent the last few years looking for me, but I have spent my entire life looking for you.  Neo, in the Matrix is a symbol for that future spouse we and our parents have all been praying for since our youth... Okay, well I gotta feeling that this post applies more to apostolic females than apostolic males, but I am sure we all love praying to the good Lord to send us "The One" unless of course we have already found him/her... To use an example I am going to out my older sister a bit (she does frequent t...

Let's get it right. It's 'platform.' God forbid if anyone were the victim of a Freudian slip and let 'stage' come out instead. 'Stage' implies that the Holy of Holies of this dispensation is nothing more than a place to allow centrally located carnality to reign. That instead of it being an elevated, anointed chunk of the sanctuary for the purest of worship to spring forth for the glorification of God, it's a place for people to put on an entertaining show for the glorification of themselves. And that's a no-no. ::shudders at the egregiousness of mistaking The Platform for a mere stage:: There are several observations I'd like to make with respect to Apostolics and their relationship with The Platform: 1. There is a difference between Regular Standards and Platform Standards. Ma'am, you wanna come to church wearing a skirt so short that it reveals the beginnings of your kneecaps? That's all right. You can even sign up to be a S...

When discussing biblical principals with secular individuals it often becomes difficult to employ scripture in the conversation as a justification for Apo-Pento principles. Often the creative mind is forced to seek an extra-biblical reference point by which to illustrate our reasoning. Such tactics have been used in the debate against homosexuality by declaring that those types of relations are not found in nature and henceforth are un-natural. So when discussing the often hotly debated pants-vs.-skirts topic of apostolic women we find ourselves in a corner, against the ropes, taking blow after blow from the opposing forces of this world who seem to believe that it’s justifiable that women wear sin bottoms (pants). And just as we’re about to hit the mats, we rise like Mike Tyson in the third round match against Holyfield and theoretically bite the ear off our opponent with the declaration: “If you think that it is permissible for women to wear pants then explain to me why every bathro...

Okay, I could have opened up my facebook to any teenage apostolic girl's profile and find at least 10-500 pictures of her dowsed in make up at some private gathering.....but i don't out my facebook friends like that... But I am sure each one of you has the same kind of friends...use those friends and the pictures I am describing as your frame of reference.... Halloween But for adults in the world, all Halloween is becoming is an excuse for adult and/or teenage females to dress like whores. Whether it be a the whore nurse, whore angel, whore witch, whore high school student, or whore pirate...All of these costumes are popular amongst the secular ladies because they provide the minimal amount of clothing to be required by law without being cited for indecent exposure. They usually entail an incredibly short skirt, a low hanging top, and some terrible whorish looking leggings/stocking...Of course to top it off, all of these costumes entail  Hooker Boots . Well, our ...

" Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who merely happen to be walking about. "                                                        -G.K. Chesterton I heard this parable once about a 6 year old girl who asked her dad the S-E-X question. Her dad was silent. He then asked his daughter to help him by carrying his suitcase out to his car as he left for work. His daughter walked across the room to the suitcase and tried picking it up, but the suitcase wouldn't budge. She tried lifting the suitcase again, but this time with more effort, yet once again, it was clear that the child was no match for the weight of the suitcase... The child whined to her daddy that the suitcase was too big for her to car...

Addendum: The first part is more intended for more of my apostolic peers of dating age (or perhaps if you are married, reflect back on those days when you were in hot pursuit of fellow future Wives and Husbands at youth rallys and in church and what not) (Please note, in all of the below, the New Girl theory can be changed to the New Guy Theory) I remember being in fourth grade and we had just gotten back to school from Christmas break and the whispers were making their way around the hallways: There was a new girl in our grade. And she was not just any new girl...she was hot! And as we anxiously waited for our own-first hand testimony of this rumor, we ate up every word from each person who confirmed the reports that we had heard of her attractiveness. Of course there were the naysayers who said the new girl was "alright" or "OK" but who were they to have an opinion anyway? And then we saw the girl...and the reports were true...she was fantastic! Insta...

Okay, very briefly, I have heard more conversation of when is the right time to listen to Christmas music this year, than I heard of actual Christmas music all of last year. And it's annoying... Here's the solution: N ovember 1st-Thanksgiving -It's a gray area. There is no absolute answer about this one. Postmodern young people like myself love gray areas, so the grayness of whether or not Christmas music is okay starting the day after Halloween until Thanksgiving is up for your own personal subjective opinion. And it's up to you to apply your personal opinion in truth. Just don't dare make your personal opinion absolute dogma that other people need to follow and try pulling some random verse meant for poetry in Psalms as a reason God doesn't like you  to listen to Christmas music this early. It's okay to say you have personal convictions that are not in the bible. Just don't get mad when someone who does not have the same personal conviction does t...

On the eve of this most tragic evenings, at the dawn of the theatrical release of the newest Twilight installment ("Emperor's New Moon"), I thought it best we pay homage to the one of the most confusing infiltrations of Apostolic culture since Whitney Houston did the Preacher's Wife.... First, let me be the first to say that I have never seen Twilight. I am not fond of vampires. I am not fond of vegetarians. And I hate people who sparkle when the sunlight hits them. I am therefore am especially not a fan of vegetarian vampires who sparkle in the sunlight. Personally I would have been satisfied with the whole "romantic-vampire" genre being retired after the atrocities of Interview with the Vampire/Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the movie)..... But hey, who am I to judge? That said, I have some distinct memories when Twilight first entered the apostolic scene: First, it had come on the heels of the conclusion of the Harry Potter saga, and we all know a...

 Housekeeping note:  First, expect to see posts from a 4th blogger on the site...Kyle Brown. I don't know much about him but know that he will be a valuable voice within this community complete with snarky commentary on anything you may witness at your local church culture.. to the post... The following is quoted directly from a friend ... Using the words "apostolic" and/or "pentecostal" as adjectives to decribe arbitrary nouns as if declaring something "apostolic/pentecostal" increases the overall value of that thing. For example...Apostolic worship, Pentecostal singing, or We're going to to to the restaurant to eat "apostolic pentecostal" style.... Apostolic pepsi Apostolic clothing Apostolic pentecostal marriage Also:  sometimes words like "charasmatic", "baptist", "secular",  is used as an adjective to decrease the value of a noun. For example a preacher may, when trying to probe for a cl...

I don't understand this phenomenon and it's been around since the beginning of the internet... Basically all these chain e-mail forwards look like are old geocity websites made into an e-mail complete with a handful of useless GIF images of angels....... As referenced in the title, all these chain-emails revolve around is either A story about a child dying with cancer whose life can be saved by every e-mail you forward,  A cute story of an innocent child having a distorted perception of the world that makes you say awwww (such as a child giving blood to someone in need but thinking the giving of the blood would actually kill the giving child). The dangers of universal health care. A story that quotes a letter from a soldier in Iraq about how sick the soldiers are of the liberals who hate George Bush and how appreciative the soldiers are of support and how they love America. A story about how a law is being proposed that will take even more prayer out of schools...