Monday, September 7, 2009

#23-Facebook Stalking

Facebook is the land where dreams become reality for those who are too nervous to talk to prospective crushes/future spouses but yet want to know every detail about their personal life.

Through the power of the latest stalking technology (facebook), I think I now have 3.5 facebook girlfriends (the .5 is for one girl who is listed as single but has several pictures of herself with a guy as of late meaning she is probably "talking" to that guy). Facebook girlfriends are girls who I rarely/never talk to but yet feel quite close to and Called by God to marry one day because of our mutual interest in the The Notebook (future post) and Jane Austen novels (future post).

For the passive-aggressive facebook stalker, the "liking" tool is the most convenient option for us interacting with our prospective future wives/husbands via facebook. It's not quite as deliberate as leaving a comment and therefore not as stalkerish, but liking a facebook status also signals to prospective spouse, "i'm here for you if you want to further engage in wall-to-wall conversation/check out my profile please!"

(to the left is the most convenient facebook stalking tool ever: The search bar)

No longer are blind dates possible, because we have facebook stalked everyone or anyone who we could be hooked up with by friends or family in the near future.

There is also a recent trend wherein people's best method to pick up future spouses is to ask their target their full name in order to find them on facebook whereupon further relationship progress may be developed/further facebook stalking may be pursued (right)

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