Monday, September 21, 2009

#53-Breaking up at Camp/Convention/Congress

Not to be confused with camp dating (future post), breaking up at camp/convention/congress (from here on we will condense all of these evens into "breaking up at camp") is a very popular trend amongst Apostolics everywhere. Seriously, mark it on your calendar that during the next camp/congress one of your friends will break up with their mate. It's a lock to happen. It just happened with two of my friends at camp this past summer and we're in our 20s.

So usually the break up at camp ends with the following statement by the one who did the breaking up, "well we were fighting before camp a lot so this was going to happen eventually...."

But basically what really happened is the one who did the break up arrived at camp and looked around and subconsciously was reminded that there were indeed more fish in the sea than his short term memory could recall..

See in Apostolic circles near the home church, the options for dating are minimal. Usually One has no more than 3-4 possible mates on his/her radar. At camp, that number jumps, (if it's congress the number sky rockets), and this is all one needs to realize that they can't commit their entire lives to just one person...They're young and they're supposed to be having fun. They can't live like a married couple any more....

And thus the next couple days are spent with mounting tension, minor skiffs, a lot of seeking the Lord's will at the alter, a confession that the person who will be doing the break up needs to get closer to God, the actual break up, and eventually a long-hard cry from the person whose heart was broken up with. This is subsequently followed up by a never-ending circular consolation conversation with the best-friend in support of the one with the broken heart saying "I told you they were no good for you."


If it is a girl who is broken up with, the emotional aftermath is usually cataclysmic in proportions simply because the girl really believed that they were going to get married. She had names already picked out for their kids, and even wrote the kiss of death in that she wrote her name out in cursive repeatedly in biology class with her boyfriend's name as her last name in place of her own last name.

After the break up at camp she is usually quick to let it be known that her ex-boyfriend was a player to all who will listen. The female along with her best friend will also build a recovery support team of fellow male haters who will be on the lookout to spy on the heart-breaking male to see which girls he talks with and then subsequently secretly hating those female traitors from a far.

If the male is the one broken up with, the camp is usually spent with the participation in more athletic activities than usual. He may also try to create a recovery team, but more than likely his friends could care less and are probably wondering in their minds if it would be acceptable if they pursued their friend's ex. Lastly the male will have declared defeat when he declares that his ex was some one word comparison to her being a woman of the night.

Of course through all the heart-break and and tears and best friends becoming best friends all over again (since the boyfriend/girlfriend was such a barrier to this happening), there is bound to come a night a few weeks after camp wherein the one who did the break up makes a late night call saying that they would like to re-think things and is kind of missing their ex. Of course what this really means is that either

a) that it did not work out with the potential future spouse that the boyfriend/girlfriend had in mind to date when the initial break up happened
b) the number of fish in the sea went right back to being small and their girlfriend/boyfriend is better than nothing.

I am a man of few dreams in my life. However, one of my dreams will be fulfilled on Friday night when I get to see my favorite secular/Christian artist perform, Sufjan Stevens. Most people in the Apostolic community are not familiar with Sufjan, so I will dedicate this week to being Sufjan Stevens week on the blogs I post. This means I will end each one of my posts with my favorite Christian Sufjan songs...I have gone through most of my life not really enjoying the Christian music that is played at churches in terms of style. Sufjan Stevens showed me that Christian music does not have be done with shouting, nor a choir to back him up...He really made my transition back into church a tad easier....Here is "He Woke Me Up Again."


  1. WOW all of your postings are soo right on!!!

  2. This one is a bit "too close to home" for me to laugh... but I'm going to anyway, lol!

  3. Ok, I don't know who you are or where you come from at this point, but I can't believe it took me this long to find this blog! You are absolutely hilarious! I'm 29 so I'm a little removed from the camp scene but I SOOO remember all of this! Too hilarious!