Thursday, September 24, 2009

#61-Having babies to hang out in the nursey during service

You know those families at your church that keep manufacturing babies almost every year, and if not every year, it's every other year?

It's like they produce so many babies that by the time the third baby debuts in church just in time for the fall-line of clothing at the baby gap, you make a conscious decision to stop attempting to remember all their names....Basically you just start categorizing the mass of brothers and sister's in that family by their last name alone: "Hey Smith kid."

And you wonder, why don't they use birth control? The most common response would admirably be that they don't believe in birth control, which is an entirely acceptable belief if you ask me (really I sincerely mean that)...

but I also propose to you today an alternative explanation of why some families are determined to birth as many babies as every family that has a show on TLC...

The theory: The moms like having an excuse to chill in the nursery during church...
It's like they have a club or something back there and the only requirement is to be part of the nursery club is to have a baby under the age of 2, and the moment the first birthday rolls around, you know the mother is growing in anxiety and hunger to have a new baby to be able to keep her membership card...

Want an excuse to not have to be so restricted of movement and verbal communication during church?

Have a baby.If you aren't married or don't have babies for whatever reason, but want to go into the secret Nursery club during church, make sure you are friends with someone who does have a newborn, then ask to hold it during service, and then after 10 minutes carry the baby out the back of the sanctuary to the nursery in a kind of hurried pace...even though you are not the mom, people just assume that the baby is sick or crying or something....but we know the real reason lady, and it kind of makes me jealous.

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