Monday, September 21, 2009

#52-Pajama Bottoms

I say pajama "bottoms" for a particular reason. The first thing one must understand when attempting to understand this phenomenon among some AP females is that they are pajama "bottoms," not pajama "pants."

See, we don't wear pants. The Bible says women shouldn't wear men's clothing and that men shouldn't wear women's clothing. Pants are for cootie-ridden boys. So, in order to justify our (and I say "our" because I raise my hand as one of the participants) donning a pants-like garment in good conscience, some explanation is in order.

Pants by day, pajama bottoms by night
If a woman were to wear a two-legged garment outside in the daylight, those are pants, hands down. No contest there. At that point, she may as well climb into the handbasket on its way to you-know-where. But if she wears a two-legged garment inside her house, they morph into a shaky but, depending on the amount of fire in the preaching she's used to, acceptable form of non-public attire. However, at night, she can breathe a sigh of relief and rest assured. They're safe, feminine pajama bottoms. Worn to bed and nowhere else.

And really, they have to be some form of pajamaesque two-legged garment that you would actually wear to bed. A pajama ensemble is preferred. Sweatpants, perhaps. But jeans? Girl, SAT down and go pray through.

Defining something like this is definitely not a science, but I think it's safe to say that the public/private dichotomy along with the amount of light outside are good indicators of acceptability.

The 5-year-old dilemma
But, this justification comes not without a few snags. For example, try explaining this to a 5-year-old.

5-year-old: (Upon seeing me in pajama bottoms) Ooh, you're wearing pants!

Me: These aren't pants, silly. They're pajama bottoms.

5-year-old: But they're pants.

Me: No, no, no. Listen. Pants are what boys wear. I'm a girl, and I'm wearing pajama bottoms.

5-year-old: But they look like pants.

Me: (sighing frustratedly) Pants are what boys wear outside. But girls can wear pajama bottoms to bed.

5-year-old: They're pants.

You see? 5-year-olds just don't get nuance.


  1. I'm not 5. I absolutely DESPISE the style of pajama bottoms under jean skirts at "informal prayer meetings" and youth get-togethers!!!

    However, I do love the sarcastic tone of this blog. Having been Apostolic for 45+ years, I've seen LOTS of things we could (and should) laugh at ourselves about!

  2. You should email some ideas to Joel. he'd appreciate it.

  3. Let me ask you a serious question. This has been on my mind for some time. I am really curious and I am thinking of doing a whole Bible study on it to see what I find. Maybe you will have some insight to share. Ready? Here goes..who wore the pants in the Bible?

  4. Thats exactly why I leave those suckers alone! I tried it one time and I felt so bad wearing I was burning up the entire night...leave em to the men...

  5. I believe that PANTS are PANTS PERIOD! We are Apostolic or not!?!

    My wife heard this young girl at a lady's retreat fight with her mother over this same issue. She wanted to wear her sweats outside, and when her mother told her no... she said, what is the difference between me wearing them inside or outside?

    She had a point of TRUTH!

    About a week ago, I saw some PJ "bottoms" that were made to look EXACTLY like low rider jeans. What are we going to do now? That is 1 step away from the REAL THING.

    I believe that a man who LIKES to see his wife in pj "bottoms", may just have a lust for women in pants.

    Let me stop... I am going a bit far. The 2 lady's in my house DO NOT WANT to wear pj "bottoms" at all.